Ethical Fucking

(best post title ever)

lisa's excerpts from kant on sex inspired this one. you can check those out at bookten.blogspot.com

anyways, i'm not kant, but greg thinks i might be about half as cool (on a good day) so:

ethical fucking involves a mutual expectation of the other person's pleasure. if both/all parties are looking to make sure everybody enjoys themselves, you have a much better dynamic than when both/all parties are aiming for their own orgasm.

for example, in most healthy, loving, sexual relationships, you want your partner to get off because that's enjoyable for you too. by contrast, in many casual hookups, each participant is looking to 'get laid' or 'get some'. this constructs sex as a sort of race or competition, where you get your orgasm and then you get out. because 'getting laid' is a traditionally male activity and male pleasure is a given in our cultural understanding of sex while female pleasure is not, selfish conceptions of sex are likely to disadvantage females more often than males. a mutual expectation of the other person's pleasure makes it much less likely that either party will be disappointed.

i know a lot of my guy readers conceive of sex this way already, and i think you guys are awesome for that.

i hope most of my female readers are 1) on good, friendly, touching themselves terms with their bodies and know what gets them off and 2) are willing to let their partner know when they haven't gotten off yet, feel comfortable explaining to their partners what would get them off, and don't hesitate to let their partners know that their pleasure is expected not optional.

i hope everybody is going into every sex act excitedly and enthusiastically, and i hope you are causing screams and toe curls. in addition to this though, i hope you are encouraging your friends who are looking to 'get laid' to also make sure to cause some screams and toe curls in the process.

*it's totally 100% possible to enjoy yourself and have pleasurable sex even if you haven't had an orgasm (yet). it's also normal - i added this note at the end on behalf of SEVERAL friends, not any single person. that said, i'm pretty sure every girl can have an orgasm if they masturbate enough and orgasms are fun, so i'll post about that later/tomorrow.