ok

I'm over here now

2009-09-30T09:54:00.000-05:00

Ten Thoughts

2009-07-24T04:00:00.002-05:00

1) i figured ten was a good blog challenge - i hope i am not expecting too much from myself here
2) i was just skimming reverse cowgirl, and i read an article about the making of a porn movie. in the comments, someone said "i think consenting adults should obviously have the right do make porn, but that said, how would you like it if your child did that?" a few people responded that this was a dumb question because all people are someones child, but i think its interesting. is everyone cool with their kids doing porn? howbout sex work? would your parents be cool with you doing it? if you are cool with porn generally but not cool with your kids being porn stars, do you find that problematic at all?
3) sean and i are not going on our road trip. i might bike to madison so i still feel cool. and i might see if aly wants to go anywhere. and i thought about visiting scott but he'll be home! hopefully this will all work out
4) i have had three nightmares about missing trains and planes or not being able to pack things in the past week. my subconscious probs wants me to travel less. this is a first.
5) i am really sad about leaving the apartment. greg and i lived here together, and now we arent going to anymore. and he keeps asking me if things are his or mine as we pack.
6) i am so fucking excited to see betsy. all day every day. sex.
7) j03 is coming this weekend! actually i think he is coming tomorrow, and i hope his arrival wont conflict with my evening plans. fingers crossed.
8) i have an orientation for my fall study abroad on tuesday, and i really hope they clear up all the things i dont know. like where i am staying, where is the school, how many other kids are going, how much it costs, and the other things i probs ought to know by know.
9) i'm unemployed for the first time since i was like 12. its pretty crazy. i should probs be more productive since i have all this free time
10) but i am not productive, i am addicted to gossip girl. i'm actually going to go watch more right this very second.

adios amigos

Salon Fail

2009-07-16T13:19:00.000-05:00

http://www.salon.com/mwt/broadsheet/feature/2009/07/16/trans_bathrooms/index.html?source=rss&aim=/mwt/broadsheet/feature

vocab
cisgender: another word for gender conforming, or a person whose gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at birth.
transgender: umbrella term for anyone whose gender expression or gender identity is not the same as the sex they were assigned at birth
transphobia: fear, hatred, or discomfort with people who are or appear to be transgender
trans man: a person who was assigned female sex at birth but feels more comfortable as a male
trans woman: a person who was assigned male sex at birth, but feels more comfortable as a female
genderqueer: a gender varient person whose gender identity is neither male or female, between genders, or some combination of genders

It was absolutely idiotic for Salon, a mainstream feminist-lite website, to post an article entitled 'The trans bathroom debate'. This 'debate' was manufactured by transphobic people and institutions who saw creating a panic about "men in women's bathrooms" as the best way to keep transgender people from being protected under hate crime and discrimination laws.

The fear tactic relies on the incorrect belief that trans women are men in disguise (correct belief: trans women are women) and giving trans people equal protection will allow these "men in disguise" to use women's restrooms. It often includes some lies about trans people being mentally unstable, sex offenders, or child molesters as well (the same rhetoric used to justify the persecution of gays and lesbians). Nowhere in the article is it mentioned that while trans women are not actually a risk to women, many cisgender men pose a very serious, even life threatening, risk to trans people. While I don't know any trans people who are sex offenders, I know a few guys who might punch a girl if they found out she was transgendered.

Instead of offering any sort of valuable critique or pointing out that basic rights ought not be debated, the article asks readers (most of whom are probably unfamiliar with what it means to be transgender) what they think about this issue (which impacts the transgendered people the readers probably don't know anything about). The question is framed: Are single-sex bathrooms prudish, antiquated and insensitive to trans people? Or are these spaces still necessary to protect the privacy of both genders? This is pretty stupid, considering we could just keep two bathrooms and make them inclusive and safe for trans people. Or, we could have all three- male, female, and gender neutral bathrooms. This isn't, and doesn't need to be a one-or-the-other, two genders or no genders situation. Salon fails by portraying it like this. And, Salon fails by talking about "both genders" (read: two. male and female.) in an article about issues surrounding other forms (read: could be more than two!) of gender expression.

french keyboards are wierd

2009-07-08T02:27:00.002-05:00

this is what happens when you try to type m: ,

and you dont have to hit shift to type ; or : or !, but you do need to hit shift to type a .

and to type numbers. all of the numbers at the top are capital. shift123456789

the z is in the top left corner, and a q occuppies the a spot.

its bqsicqlly i,possible for ,e to qvoid typos zhen this is zhat i have to zork zith

to more important matters:

ive decided its 100 percent safe for a young woman to travel alone in europe, as long as she is a smarty pants. so: anna! betsy! fuck college: get a ticket to europe for a hundred bucks at studentuniverse.com and go!

assorted:

2009-07-06T06:22:00.002-05:00

1 post secret this week: i apologized to you for saying what you did to me was rape, but it was rape, and i`m done apologizing. go check out the postcard at postsecret.com

2 i'm in paris. yesterday i went to the louvre, a picasso museum, the pompidou center, and notre dame. the pompidou center has the contemporary and modern art museum in it and the whole museum connects these art periods to feminism. there was a quote from a falous feminist on every doorway and the pieces inside all dealt with the quote. more details and pics soon

3 speaking of pics check out my movies! http://seanmcclay.wordpress.com/2009/07/02/more-vids/ and http://seanmcclay.wordpress.com/2009/07/03/yet-another-video/

4 today i'm going to see every pretty building and moulin rouge

5 au revoir? or something?

Zeitzuegen

2009-06-28T16:09:00.001-05:00

Monday, June 15th
Basic school things- hw hand in rate of 6b continues to be terrible but this is hardly surprising since they already know what school they got into for next year and the work they do no isn’t going to change that, 5c was looking good though (one student ran up to me before school started to tell me he had done his!). In 3b we took half the class to another room (Gabbi stayed with the other half) and on the way there so many of them were hitting, stealing pencil bags, kicking… Two of them continue to take turns kicking each other well into the lesson, and since Sarah was only half heartedly telling them to stop and they were definitely not listening, I eventually just asked one of the boys to stand up, moved his chair five feet away, and asked him to take a seat again (all with a smile that said ‘try and kick him from here’)…yay for effective discipline where both students and teachers are happy.
We had an outing this afternoon to the Haus der Wahnsee Konferenz, where the genocide of European Jews was planned on January 20, 1942. The museum housed there is regarded as a ‘site of the perpetrators’ and consequently displays detailed information about the aims and activities of different branches of the SS, and the effects this had on European Jews. We met with two Zeitzeugen, or Witnesses of that Time, above the museum. Mary Louise Gericke, 84, said she was lucky to have grown up in a non nazi family and to attend a school where the headmaster wore the swastika but allowed several ‘suspect’ teachers to work. She did try once, when she was young, to go on a swimming trip with the Junge Madels but her parents forbid it. Later, she was asked to become a Fuhrerin of a youth group and denied, luckily without repercussions. She had one good friend at the time who was jewish, and she remembered her (Pauline) wearing the star on her jacket, and hiding it with a pocketbook when they walked together. The doorman of Pauline’s apartment asked her if she really wanted to visit those Jews again, she said, and there was one time when her mother forbade her to go to Pauline’s- the day that would later be remembered as krystalnacht. Pauline and her family belonged to the lucky group of 9000 Jewish Berliners who were able to emigrate and she later sent Mary Louise a package from California. 1600 other Jewish Berliners survived the war in Berlin, and 6000 perished. After the war, Mary Louise and her aunt obtained fake papers and left the Russian Sector for West Berlin. She first learned about the Holocaust after the war- previously she had been aware of deportation but not the camps. In the time since, she has met one person who said, “I am happy my father died in action, because he was an ardent Nazi” and another who was told by his father, a German officer, that people were gassed- when he was 15 years old.
The man who spoke was less interesting to me- he talked about the Jung Volk, said his grandfather had hid jewels in their home for Jewish friends, said he used to illegally listen to BBC. He did describe one night, in 1942, when his father told him to get his Hitler uniform and they drove to a burning building that he later learned was a synagogue. He watched many people carrying backpacks walking to it, silently- so silently. And his father said, “Listen.” The group, once assembled, was deported. This man had watched Jews being deported in the same city where someone in my family was deported. I am the descendant of the sister of one of Auschwitz’s victims, and I was sitting in the building where Hitler decided how to kill the Jews, across from a man who had watched these plans being implemented.
I spoke to Mary Louise briefly after the talk, and told her. She said it isn’t trendy in Deutschland anymore to speak of this time- that it’s already too far away and the students only care about the fall of the wall now. “There’s too many terrible things- and too many people don’t want to speak of it- I was also raped, you know, when the Russians came,” she said, “But we didn’t speak of it.”
The Second World War was not a time for Jews or Germans. And it’s terrible to think about the things that haven’t changed:
Prejudice against gays, lesbians, and bisexuals. Persecution of Trans people. Discomfort with disability. Violence against women. The abuse of civilians, including those in Palestine and Iran. Silence and inactivity in the face of all this.
Sean was very kind and walked with me until my mood picked up again, and we all went as a group back to the city and Hooka-ed, got lost, ate Mexican food, and came home late.

um days 11 12 13 and 14 maybs

2009-06-23T16:49:00.001-05:00

Thursday, June 11th
Had coffee across from Greg’s favorite spot- still haven’t been up to the top of the Dom because it wasn’t open. Met with Heidrun Suhr, went around in a circle and introduced our projects and got some tips from her. The tips were really helpful, so I definitely appreciated the meeting with her but I think it should have been one at a time, since we’ve each heard the others proposals three times now and I think most of us would have rather been at the school, researching, or enjoying the city. We’re going to present what we have in pairs the last two weeks- Hannah and I are partners, I’m going the first week while Sabine is in, she’s going the second.
Spent the afternoon in the city with the others- sushi, irish pub, c&a and a mall, Mexican, and a nice relaxed bar (except Adam got the nastiest drink).

Friday, June 12th
In one of the classes a woman came in to talk to the kids about dental hygiene. It was pretty low-key, and pretty similar to American kiddie-health lectures. Each of the kids got a toothbrush, and they all brushed their teeth as a class, which was cute. Less cute was the fact they all spit out the toothpaste and rinses the brushes in the terrifyingly unkept bathrooms. Sarah had told me not to use the girls bathroom cuz it was gross, but I thought she was overreacting and I went in their the other day out ofconveinence- it stank of bathroom things, the only toilet paper was on the floor, and wet, and shredded, and there wasn’t hot water (as if that mattered by that point). Jeez.
Clowns, other basic school things in 4th and 5th classes.
Then, lecture about German School System: (Quick sidenote- a former house squatter teaches at our school. I think this is actually pretty cool.) Fed Govt no authority in school matters, Europa School heisst bilingual school-gibts in neun Sprachen, of 3.4 mi people in berlin 14 percent have non german background, 850 schools with 335000 students 25 percent of which have non german background, kindergarten is optional but 82 percent go and school becomes compulsory at five and a half, “usually in german families one parent works and the woman tries to work as well”, “wear the veil or whatever its called”, Turkish men don’t want to marry Germanized Turkish girls so they return home to pick up (young) Turkish wives and their children start at zero again as far as German culture goes, woman shot by 3 brothers for wanting to get abitur, ethics class introduced to address qualms about lack of family values in schools, ethics teaches tolerance, bullying no nos, democratic values, respect, positive attitude/love, ave marriage age of 34 sinking again.
After the lecture I went to services at the Oranienburger Str Synagogue. It wasn’t hard to get in after all- just walked up and said I was there for services and they pointed me in the right direction. I’m glad the security guards are striking such a good balance between keeping people safe and remaining respectful of those who wish to use the building. I was excited to recognize a few songs from services at school, and I enjoyed the German transliteration of the Hebrew (Adonai was written ‘Adonaj’ because the j makes a y sound in German). I briefly introduced myself to Rabbi Gesa but we didn’t have much time to talk- hopefully she’ll respond to my email. Next week I want to get there earlier and talk to the rest of the people more- and I especially need to remember to wish them a happy Shabbat…it’s not a reflex for me and I feel rude/like a dunce when I forget to.
After that, went to Hannah’s, and a bar, and Berghain. Would have probably been cooler if Berghain and Panorama Bar were open and if Greg was there. People weren’t too cute, Hannah and Adam made out, etc, etc. Stayed at Sean’s cuz we left at 6 am (jeez).

Saturday, June 13th
Woke up early ish and laid around for a while before heading home around noon. Stopped at Zoologischer Garter and walked around a little, bought some five dollar awesome shoes and tried on awesome jeans that were not available in my size- bummer. Got back home around 2, and waited until Sarah at Peter got home to let me in. Spent most of the afternoon sleeping, reading, and finally talked to Greg a little before I went back to sleep.

Sunday, June 14th
Went to Postdam! Went on a boat tour of the river first, and saw a bunch of castles. Then we walked over to the main streets, grabbed some Doner/Pommes for lunch, and headed to the pretty yellow palace. From there we walked down a long alley to the pink palace, passing by the Chinese Tea House on the way. I took some photos of the sculptures of the women for my next next tattoo- of “justice is a woman with a sword”. I liked the quote, considering women always have bow & arrows, dagger, poison rings, and other ladylike weapons. Anyways, we took a tour of the pink castle and it was incredible. The first room was called ‘the grotto’ and the entire walls were made or seashells- there were dragons, and roses, and borders, and seaweed- all made from a mosaic of shells. The marble floor had a seaweedy pattern too. The next room I really liked had hot pink fabric patterned walls, and gold rocco? style detail on the ceiling and walls. Rocco style incorporates these C shapes, often has natural themes (this room had a spider in a web in one of the ceiling corners, and herons catching dragonflies in another), and is not necessarily symmetric. I’m going to take another look at The Long Rain section of my scifi tattoo tonight and see if I want to work in any of these types of shapes. Some of the other interesting rooms had silver detail instead of gold, because the kind actually preferred silver, and I found that really interesting. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that effect in silver before, and it completely changed the feel of the room- much cooler/crisper/more steely. Often, the detail was carried down and worked into the doors, mirrors, and even grandfather clocks. The other great thing was the beds- they were usually recessed back into the walls, with two or three headboards, and oftentimes their own canopy and curtain.
After we finished we took the bus and the trains back, and Sean and I stopped at Zoog. Garten for some cheap subway lo mein, saw the Gedachtnis Kirche, walked around, and had a coffee. He’s pretty solid one on one, like I was realizing Saturday, but he does play magic. ;) Anyways, he's cool, quite chivalrous which I am a sucker for, and he verbally asked for consent which was maybe the hottest thing ever.
Now- reading (The Souls of Black Folk…great analysis of the fact that Blacks after Emancipation saw the value of book learning and started to, but they were studying a essentially white discipline, beginning centuries after its inception, and there was therefore a cultural disjunction of sorts. This seems comparable to Wendy Brown’s argument that our democratic capitalist state is inherently masculinist, in that it was conceived of and founded by men.) and going to clean my room, maybe make a bingo for the kids, and talk to my sweetheart. Also- waiting for the soup to be finished and going to try making soup when I get home.

IMPORTANT

2009-06-20T04:15:00.002-05:00

Since my internet access is pretty limited, I have not really been following the news in Iran and I definitely have not been blogging, tweeting, facebooking or emailing about it. So keep an eye on Joe Leadley, twitter, and the news and do your part to make sure the people around you (friends, family, coworkers) know whats happening.

less important: i didnt bother to edit my journal before i posted it. hopefully its ok.

pretty impotant: mom, if you're reading this I'm sorry about the tattoo, the boys, the girls, the drugs, and the rock music. <3 i love you!

totally unimportant: sean (not my step brother) calls iuds 'uterus ninjas'. funny.

First Week of School (Days 7 to 10)

2009-06-20T04:14:00.000-05:00

Sunday, June 7th
Woke up at a decent hour thankfully. We had a little German breakfast- tomatoes, ham, brotchen, and jam. [Make yummy German breakfast at home: assorted? bread rolls, two types of jam, liverwurst, german style ham, german style salami, iceberg lettuce and tomato salad with olive oil and some salt, cheese?]. Then, we went to the City Hall and climbed up to the tower to look around. There was a million signature peace pact on display, which had traveled around the US and boasted the names of Americans in all states who supported a free Berlin. From the very top we looked around and Sarah and Peter pointed of various attractions. After that we had a detour to a falafel place, in the neighborhood where Sarah’s brother and most of the Queer Berliners live. There were rainbow stickers in every single shop window, flags in some of the apartment windows, a leather and rubber store. It was great. I might look for a place around there to get my tattoo- we’ll see what seems safe and classy.
Oh! Our car got stuck in the middle of the Berlin Bicycle Club’s city wide bike ride demonstration. Hundreds of bike riders blew across the street in front of us- I was inspired, and am going to seriously bring a bike to school next chance I get.
Over the course of the day, Sarah told me about some of the problems she faces in the German school system as a teacher. Apparently, German teachers are traditionally considered government officials. But just recently, in Berlin, new teachers have ceased to be accorded this status so the city could pay them less (1000 a month less), due to financial difficulties. So Sarah and Regina, the two new teachers, are paid significantly less for the same work and this upsets her. Also, she says the East German teachers are very strict and this can be problematic because when she gets to a class with one of these teachers, they go crazy once the normal teacher leaves the room. On top of that, she doesn’t really like being at this school in general- unlike me, she is not a fan of rambunctious trouble making kids- they exhaust and frustrate her, and [I saw later] she doesn’t seem to have a very successful strategy for controlling them (i.e. joking or smiling rather than shouting and frowning)

Monday, June 8th
First day of school! I think the fist thing I noticed was how dirty the school was. Every wall is vaguely grey from pencil smears, every corner has a little pile of dust in it, and the students don’t have lockers or desks with storage, so their backpacks and lunches and pencil pouches and folders are scattered all around their spots. It wasn’t gross or unhealthy or anything- and I think I remember Lilli’s high school being kind of similarly grey, but it was so different from Richards Elementary School, where I went, or Glen Hills Middle School, where I was a janitor. I feel like students might focus more and value their work more, if the environment they’re working in looks more important (bright, well cared for, clean).
Another thing that I think contributes to the general disorder is that the students stay in the same room all day, and the teachers move around from class to class. This seems to sort of imply that the students ‘own’ the room- thus the teachers have no special incentive to keep ‘their’ room clean, and the students fell more in charge and less inclined to defer to the teacher. This is amplified by the fact that while the teachers are switching, the kids are left alone in the rooms to do whatever- throw things, play tag, stand up and talk. I think it’s better in America where the chaotic space is the hallways, and once you enter the classrooms everyone calms down. One last problem is that the teachers have to carry all of their materials around all day, which makes it easy to forget or lose things and hard to do special things like listen to cds and watch movies because of all the equipment needed.
The bell system at the German school was different too- only one bell to signify class ending, compared to our ending and starting bells at home. This is just one more small detail that impacted how ready students were to begin each class.
Anyway, problems aside, it was a really fun day- the kids asked me interview questions about who I am and what America is like and I had a lot of fun getting to know them a little too. Being me, I noticed that a couple classes asked “Do you have a boyfriend?” and thought about how if I was a teacher I would teach my kids the more gender neutral “Are you in a relationship?” – which is both more subtle than “Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?” and more inclusive in that it not only accommodates LGB folk, but also poly people. (Win!) I also noticed later that when class 6 was learning jobs, there were housewives and firemen, but no housedads, stay at home parents, firewomen, etc. Most of the pictures accompanying the job words were pretty unsurprising gender-wise too…but there was a female doctor like Joe’s mom!

Tuesday, June 9th
Today there was a school-wide Sport competition all day long. The 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th grade kids competed in a bunch of different events including one long run, a relay race, a long jump, and a ball throw. Sarah and I supervised the ball throw and recorded how far each student had managed to hurl the ball.
Over the course of the day, a lot of the students I had met on Monday came up to say hi to me, which was nice. Very few of them had good enough English to make it past ‘hi’ to ‘how are you?’ so they just stood around for a bit and then ran off again.
One really interesting thing I noticed was that very few single kids finished last in the long races. There was always one bigger kid way behind everyone- but hir friends were walking next to hir and talking and not worrying at all about coming in last too! This was radically different than my school- where there was always one person left running after everyone finished and the whole class sat there watching them slowly make it to the end.
Since I wasn’t doing much and had lots of time during the day to think, I came up with a few ideas of what to do in each of the classes. For the older students, I decided to make homework charts- so, a sheet of paper with everyone’s name, and ‘Homework Rockstars!’ at the top. Then, if a student does their work, I’ll give them a sticker so they get a little reward and can visibly see if they are doing really well, or if they might want to try harder to keep up with the others’ sticker collections. On top of that, I’m going to tell each whole class that they are competing against each other, and whichever class does the best job will win a prize (either to take me to their other classes for a day, a cooking hour as Sarah proposed, or something else).
A day or two after I introduce the homework charts, I’m going to start giving one kid a ‘way to go!’ card every hour. I’ll make little cards with flowers or stars or something pretty, write ‘way to go’ at the top, and leave space to fill in why they got the card (for example, you gave so many good answers, or you helped another student, etc.).
I’m not going to make a homework chart for the third grade because I only see them once a week. But I thought a little bit about what I might be able to contribute in those classes and I talked to Sarah and we decided next week I could make them a bingo game and practice their new vocab words with it, and the weeks after we will work on interviews with all the vocab words from the year in order to prepare them for their last test. I plan on giving them the way to go cards as well.
In the afternoon I met Jeremy Minsberg, Sabine’s friend and the Berlin Expert, and we talked about some of the sights I might see over coffee. He gave me a few book recommendations, a list of the very best museums and memorials, some tips on how to go about setting up a meeting with someone at the Jewish museum, and some other contacts. In addition, he had some thoughts about the nature of and problems of the Jewish community in Berlin, which I thought was incredibly interesting. So, pretty productive coffee overall! After we finished with business we talked a little bit about Prop 8 and he expressed his frustration with the black voters and I argued that religious voters was really a more accurate label for the people who voted yes. He was pretty ticked off about the whole ordeal but I don’t know- I’m an optimist and I’m pretty sure we’re going to win the whole country in the next ten or twenty years. One last thing- the Berlin Expert did not have any tattoo shop recommendations- a serious oversight (haha).

Wednesday, June 10th
Back to normal school- In the first hour we practiced North, South, East and West and then sent a few kids ‘on a vacation’ around the US with the directions. Every time they stopped we told the class a little bit about where they were and what it was like there. Then we switched to right, left, forward, and backward and I had one kid at a time stand up and follow my directions (two steps forward, one small step right, etc). Once they had the hang of it, we had all the girls and then all the boys try together. After the activity, we tried this god-awful labyrinth activity in their books again and they were more able to follow the directions through the maze but I still didn’t think it was a very good worksheet.
In the second hour I introduced the homework chart, gave stickers to the kids who earned them, and told them about the challenge. Hopefully it makes a difference!
Third hour we did one last review of job vocab (‘Authoress’ was suggested for a female author…) and switched to future tense. Sarah played Que Sera Sera (Whatever Will Be, Will Be), which I thought was a great introduction. Then the kids practiced writing future sentences about what they will and will not do, and then about other’s future plans too.
Fourth hour we practiced ‘How are you?’ and did the Lonely Ghost Story. I learned that Great Britain is not the same as England, but also includes Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland.
Fifth hour we tried the labyrinth activity in the last class, with practice beforehand. Basically a catastrophe- not a fan of activities that are way beyond kids grasp not because of the English, but because they are poorly designed. If I had been the teacher, I would have not done it after the first class and made up another way to learn the same lesson.

From Lilli to Berlin (Days 1 to 6)

2009-06-20T04:07:00.001-05:00

Monday, June 1st
Arrived around nine, after 30 hours of travel. Sat next to a kooky Swiss Christian on the long flight. Jeez.

Tuesday, June 2nd
Went to Intercultural Learning with Lil at her University. Her school is a handful of buildings, probably comparable in size to Lawrence or Mac but with fewer, huge, ugly buildings. Anyways, in Intercultural Learning we talked about the Turks and prejudice in the Job market and the role of Social Workers (Lil is studying Social Work). Grocery shopped, then sat around most of the rest of the day, worked on my tattoo.

Wednesday, June 3rd
Intended to go to Lil’s class about eating disorders, but I like sleep too much. We spent the afternoon in the city walking around and shopping- I got a cute top and sunglasses! My sunglasses make me look like a total badass and I love them. And, I don’t feel guilty about shopping anymore because I have yet to spend any money in Berlin. Came home, watched Grey’s Anatomy reruns in German on TV.

Thursday, June 4th
Lil and I went to the Bielefeld Art Museum, and saw a heck of a lot of modern art. I commented that its a shame Germany’s art so often has to do with Hitler, Nazis, and the Third Reich- considering that there is a lot of other German history and culture, its getting to be a long time since that period, and other countries (the US) have done things comparably horrific but don’t suffer the same condemnation. Consequently, I really enjoyed one piece, which was an American flag with genocide statistics in the stripes. Guess who’s obliteration of a native population killed more people than the Holocaust? Despite that, there was one collection of paintings with Hitler I found really interesting. The painter had done landscapes around various famous buildings around the world, including the Colosseum, and other natural areas like fields and lakes, and then he had painted a hiel-ing Hitler at each one. I thought it was generally funny- having a Hitler in all these odd spots, somewhat unnerving, and kind of reflected how I felt like Hitler was EVERYWHERE in the museum. There were also photos however, of him hiel-ing at other famous buildings, and I found those kind of tasteless…running around taking pictures pretending to be Hitler seems like a good way to ruin your and everyone around you’s vacation.
In the evening we went out for drinks at a church that was renovated and is now a very chic restaurant. Also had delicious beef- going to fancy restaurants with Greg has turned me into someone who really appreciates exceptionally well-made food. Afterwards we went to a dance at the University- meh. German music is terrible.

Friday, June 5th
Lil and I went to the castle and looked around from up high. Could barely see the Herman Denkmal on the neighboring mountain, which we had visited my first time in Germany!
Made Lil guacamole, which she had never eaten before! But there is Guac in Germany according to my host teacher- its called avocado sauce,

Saturday, June 6th
Train ride- man said Berlin is 20% water, which is actually more than Venice. He also told me there were more old empty buildings in East Germany, and that the Berliner Zoo station had been the Hauptbahnhof when Berlin was divided.
Met Sarah and Peter, who took me to the apartment to unpack. My room is maybe five by fifteen, has a wardrobe, desk, chair, window, and bed (with feather blanket!). Sarah and I went to the welcome party, and then I came home and drew before going to sleep.

The Last Time I Ever

2009-05-12T22:35:00.003-05:00

hit on a 30 year-old working on his masters in social justice.

Weeks later, Dude and I resolved (via text) that we would not pursue any sort of romantic/sexual relationship because of our age difference and his job and how that could be problematic.

So Dude says "I appreciate your patience and grace in navigating these boundaries, though."

And I says, "Kid, I don't navigate boundaries, I shatter them. But I still appreciate being told I was patient and graceful."

Because seriously.

Schedule:

2009-05-12T12:31:00.002-05:00

Past-probably failed my final for my pass/fail class. unsure as to whether that will mean i pass or fail the class. crossing fingers seems like best solution.

Present-will clean major portions of apartment and cause greg to fall in love with me. hah! side benefit of actually knowing where my global studies papers are.

Future-study recently uncovered and organized global studies papers.
Further in the Future-have coffee with alexs. awesome.
Even Further in the Future-finish studying
And Even Further in the Future after that-kick ass.

what is the different between further and farther? did i pick the right one?

Ethical Fucking

2009-05-07T00:07:00.002-05:00

(best post title ever)

lisa's excerpts from kant on sex inspired this one. you can check those out at bookten.blogspot.com

anyways, i'm not kant, but greg thinks i might be about half as cool (on a good day) so:

ethical fucking involves a mutual expectation of the other person's pleasure. if both/all parties are looking to make sure everybody enjoys themselves, you have a much better dynamic than when both/all parties are aiming for their own orgasm.

for example, in most healthy, loving, sexual relationships, you want your partner to get off because that's enjoyable for you too. by contrast, in many casual hookups, each participant is looking to 'get laid' or 'get some'. this constructs sex as a sort of race or competition, where you get your orgasm and then you get out. because 'getting laid' is a traditionally male activity and male pleasure is a given in our cultural understanding of sex while female pleasure is not, selfish conceptions of sex are likely to disadvantage females more often than males. a mutual expectation of the other person's pleasure makes it much less likely that either party will be disappointed.

i know a lot of my guy readers conceive of sex this way already, and i think you guys are awesome for that.

i hope most of my female readers are 1) on good, friendly, touching themselves terms with their bodies and know what gets them off and 2) are willing to let their partner know when they haven't gotten off yet, feel comfortable explaining to their partners what would get them off, and don't hesitate to let their partners know that their pleasure is expected not optional.

i hope everybody is going into every sex act excitedly and enthusiastically, and i hope you are causing screams and toe curls. in addition to this though, i hope you are encouraging your friends who are looking to 'get laid' to also make sure to cause some screams and toe curls in the process.

*it's totally 100% possible to enjoy yourself and have pleasurable sex even if you haven't had an orgasm (yet). it's also normal - i added this note at the end on behalf of SEVERAL friends, not any single person. that said, i'm pretty sure every girl can have an orgasm if they masturbate enough and orgasms are fun, so i'll post about that later/tomorrow.

In response to my last post

2009-05-06T14:10:00.002-05:00

since i just gave a class presentation on BDSM yesterday, i feel i should also point out that consensual inequity is equally sexy.

and the suicide girls fight clubs tribute, which i can't link to right now cuz i'm at work, is pretty damn sexy too.

Quick thoughts

2009-05-06T13:47:00.002-05:00

I love the potential that comes with male birth control.

The desire to avoid getting pregnant may be female specific, but the desire not to have children by accident ought to be universal. If male birth control becomes available, we can start to move toward a model where all sexually active people that aren't looking to have children see it as a personal responsibility to ensure they don't. And, if both a man and a woman were on birth control and started dating exclusively, they could discuss whether or not both of them wanted to remain on birth control, and potentially make the decision to split the cost of one person's birth control.

Equity is sexy.

love, jessi

Career Goals:

2009-05-03T12:43:00.002-05:00

freelance pro bono sex therapist.

Other News:

Take back the night was awesome- in the awe inspiring sense. It is cool to walk (march) in a group and be not just safe, but powerful. And it's really incredible seeing what a night like that means to people who don't feel safe all the time - Someone came up to my friend late in the evening and thanked her for telling her story "because it made her feel less alone". I hope we can create safer places on other nights and elsewhere in our lives so that nobody feels too alone.

Fundraiser went well, got gorgeous earrings.

Had dinner Wednesday with a boy I met at take back the night who i had THE BIGGEST CRUSH on.

Slept in a tent on the student union lawn Thursday.

Spent Friday night with greg and friends, doodled.

Went to a bit of a concert, saw daniel!, went to a bit of a frat party (met a friend of eve's who is adorable, and he thought i was a dyke because of my hair which is totally ok with me), went to sammy's for a highlighter party, went over the boy i had a crush on's house and had a good night.

about to write a paper.

coming up:

UNIVERSITY PRO CHOICE COALITION'S ANNUAL BENEFIT SHOW
its a concert, 18+, at the dinkytowner, friday. go with me :)

QUEER SPEED DATING
its kindof tongue in cheek/a joke, but it's totally happening, at the st paul student center, saturday. go with me, but separately, so ppl don't think we're together ;)

kisses

(betsy, the baby you mailed me had died by the time i opened the box. so you were right, next time we should pay extra for express shipping.)

Update

2009-04-21T23:41:00.002-05:00

I read Stone Butch Blues. I'm reading greg South by Southwest, by Sherman Alexie.

Take Back the Night is Friday. The Naked I/Remy's second fundraiser is Saturday. Lisa's second annual swap is Sunday.

Various other smaller lunchtime/afternoon events are going on. As are some events I won't be attending.

I don't do anything besides go to stuff. It's hectic and informative and bear few tangible results.

looking forward to blogging for fair pay, and writing about street harassment (best ideas ever guys).

oh- going to morocco for fall. and i got a german award (lol) which sucks cuz now i have to go to an award dinner. jeez.

kisses :)

I would write a post but

2009-04-17T01:11:00.002-05:00

I just finished The Girls who Went Away (read it. its awesome.) and I'm about to start Stone Butch Blues. I also read Butch is a Noun last week (read it. there's love stories!) and made Greg read a chapter because it was full of love stories. He didn't enjoy it, but relationships are supposed to be full of pain and misery.

Previous events:
went to the 'Students for Human Life (but against sex, women, honesty, and respecting other cultures)' Pro-Choice vs Pro-Life debate. Dr Abortion Provider rocked my world, and me and the other UPCC girls in attendance cheered and applauded his segments. Miss I Don't Advocate the use of Oral Contraception because it's an Abortificant was obviously incredibly dumb.

also of note, the Students for Human Life but against Human Decency invited the good Dr under the pretense that UPCC was co-hosting the event, which was a lie. furthermore, they promised the good Dr they would not show ANY graphic images or videos. Doc said he wouldn't come if they did, because those are the kinds of videos that make Pro-Life crazies send him and his family death threats. despite promising to respect his safety, they showed a video of a very late term abortion. lovin those christian values.

Upcoming events:
Bi, Trans, Queer, etc conference this weekend
Fundraiser #1: Chili Dinner & Auction for my friend's top surgery this weekend
Student Parent Association Spoken Word next week
Take Back the Night next weekend
Poetic Assassins Spoken Word Show next weekend
Fundraiser #2: Trans version of Vagina Monologues & Auction

mn kids: call me, facebook me, sneak up behind me and give me kisses if you want more info about event dates and times.

and hey look, this is a post! we can thank the Students for Human Life for that at least.

*i'm actually mediumly ok with pro-life people, just not pro-life jerks

I also had fun

2009-04-14T15:11:00.002-05:00

at the April Trans Commission meeting. I heard about what they're up to and picked up some tips about how to publicize their events through Hillel, WSAC, and the Afro Dept.

Then there was a discussion about organizing around LGBTQ issues in religious communities. It was interesting hearing everyone's story about how they've carved space for faith and spirituality in their lives, and how their churches/unitarian hang outs/temples have carved space for them and other people of diverse backgrounds.

now i'm off to geology (gross).

Did you know

2009-04-14T01:18:00.002-05:00

that Frida Kahlo, Angelina Jolie, and James Dean are all bi? and Langston Hughes was gay?

nobody ever tells me anything.

I had fun at the ally training today, and i got two buttons. one for me and one for my dad if he admits that (as a libertarian) he's in favor of gay marriage. if my dad continues to be a heterosexist douche rocket, betsy will get his button.

betsy, i hope you're willing to sacrifice a button in the event my crazy conservative father comes out in favor of same-sex marriage rights.

well

2009-04-08T23:57:00.001-05:00

i guess things aren't so awful, considering sophie just yawned

she stretched out her front legs as far as she could, and stuck her butt in the air, shut her eyes, and went YAWWWWN with her mouth. that was pretty cute.

blah

2009-04-08T23:45:00.002-05:00

you can't express a full spectrum of emotion on blogs or you're sad whiney and pathetic

but i miss rachie and betsy.

anyways:

passover was tonight, and it went well. we had an all about passover event before and my job was to tell people about the orange on the seder plate. so: once upon a time in the 1980s a few students at oberlin put a bread crust on the seder plate, to say there was as much room in judaism for lesbians as there is for a crust on the seder plate. since bread is forbidden on passover, this sent kinda mixed messages, and some lady switched it out for an orange, that stood for jewish lesbians, gay men, and other marginalized groups. she liked the orange because it showed inclusive communites are the most "fruitful" and the seeds could be spit out the same way we ought to repudiate prejudice in our community. another explanation says some dude said "a woman belongs on the bimah (in the front of the temple) like an orange belongs on the seder plate" and the orange was placed on the seder plate to show support for the changing role of women in judaism.

ok, i better do some hw tonight.

Get Psyched

2009-03-26T12:32:00.000-05:00

Some things

2009-03-16T11:18:00.003-05:00

I love this terminology: Woman who uses a chair. Man who uses a cane, or seeing eye dog. I love the agency of it, as compared to woman in a chair, handicapped, or disabled.

Carol told me a bit about the tribal college she goes to. A tribal college is a government run school for Native Americans, as I understand. The school she goes to was formerly a boarding school, during the time when Native American children were taken from their families and sent to boarding schools, in order that they assimilate into mainstream American culture. Now it's a college and has a new set of issues. Carol's bedroom has one wall that's covered in mold and falling apart- she said she was sick all the time when she first moved in but she'd used to it now. Her dorm has asbestos on one floor, so the people in charge locked the door to that floor. Of course, asbestos fibers aren't trapped by closed doors, but circulate through the air and ventilation systems of the whole building.

If this was the case at my school, there would be outrage. But since Reservation life is not unlike life at this particular tribal college, the students are more resigned. And since I didn't know what a tribal college was, I didn't know about these issues. I'm angry and I'm sad that I've been so poorly educated by our system, and others have been so poorly mistreated by our system. And I want to state very clearly that Carol and Native Americans shouldn't be pitied or faulted for this, but the government that is still disadvantaging (at best) or abusing (at worst) our country's First Peoples should be disgusted with itself.

Next up: adoption conversation and free ride home.
Then: the actual choice stuff we talked about

Non Consentual Guest Post from Rafi's Other Blog

2009-03-11T18:01:00.003-05:00

also known as Plagiarism. Original available over here.

Hamsters. Cute and cuddly, maybe. But, more importantly, are they good for the Jews?

I'm Jewish and I'm allergic to hamsters. This is bad. In fact, most Jews have allergies. Jews have allergies to everything in the universe. Jews can be allergic to rocks and power cords. Often, Jewish parents will use their skills of paranoia to make their children believe that they have more allergies than they actually do. I knew this kid who, allegedly, was allergic to all sorts of food coloring and that, as a result, he could never eat anything with food coloring. I asked him if he had ever eaten anything with food coloring.

"Have you ever eaten anything with food coloring?"

"No. I can't. I'd like, die."

"So how do you know you're allergic to it."

He just knew.

People think that the high prevelance of allergies amongst Jews is a bad thing, but it is actually a secret weapon of the Jews. They will act all allergic and water-eyed, which will make them seem weak, especially if they are wearing glasses. But this is all a way to deflect people's attention from their superior intellectual abilities and financial management skills. Some historians believe there is a direct correlation with Jews having allergies (*wink, wink) and the rise of Jewish power in the world.

Also important to note is that hamsters have the word "ham" in their name. I'm not even going to waste my time explaining to you why this is bad.

Then we also have the hamster wheel:

This is a device that reinforces the human condition, and the idea of mortality. We run around in circles, never getting anywhere, and then we die. Jews have an especially hard time coming to terms with their own mortality, as best portrayed by Woody Allen in all of his movies. The book "Denial of Death" was written by Ernest Becker, a Jew, and postulates that all of humanity's psychological problems emerge from the fear of death which sits at the core of everything.

The hamster's reminding of mortality is closely linked to its cause of allergies as many Jews are also led to believe that their allergies may cause them to die. This emerges from being a hypochondriac, and is also something reinforced at an early by overly protective Jewish mothers who terrify their children into always staying indoors and reading instead of "going out into that terrible allergy-filled world to play sports."

"Why do you need to be outside?" They will ask. "Is my company not enough for you?"

Allergies. Death. Guilt. This is the hamster's unholy triumvirate.

Therefore the HAMSTER, more for what it represents than for what it is, is BAD for the Jews.

Communist Jessi Continued

2009-03-10T19:20:00.002-05:00

Ok. here are today's thoughts

1) you know the things that are just obvious part of being human, or dare i say, human rights? like the really really simple ones- breathing, bowel emptying, speech. no one is ever going to tell you that you are simply forbidden to speak ever again, even if you are a prisoner, mentally disabled, or homeless, right? and if you can conjure up a situation where it has/could happen, it would be a gross abuse of rights. i think we need to take another less obvious human rights issue, like housing, and just start pushing it, everywhere, all the time, till it becomes a similarly obvious right. maybe everytime homelessness is mentioned i will be abso-fucking-lutely amazed that-wait-there are people? without? houses? living in the wild like animals? and we just allow that? where do they sleep?

except lets get serious- i probably won't ever really do that. no one ever talks about homelessness.

2) greg joked #1 sounded a lot like propaganda and asked me if i was a communist. i'm still undecided about communism for various reasons, but i think i'm solidly all for collectivism. i still really want to live in a big mansion, or a few large houses next door to one another, with all my friends. i want to have a joint bank account we all poor money into, and then decide what to use it on. i want to donate the left overs every year to various charities. i want to grow our own food and be otherwise sustainable. and i want to grow our own weed and put that chunk of money towards legalization. (greg says i'm a little bit crazy, but we can live in a co-op)

3) are there day care coops? can this be a goal? imagine- if there were day care coops, and semi flexible work weeks (like 4 ten hour days, or 32 hour part time jobs) then every parent in the coop could work four days and day care one day. they could do in a kid proofed room of their own home, or one of the other families homes depending on who had the space for it. people who weren't willing to host could take on extra snack making/activity organizing responsibilities. imagine being able to work without losing half your paycheck to child care or being able to spend time with your kids without giving up your career.

101st Post.

2009-03-09T15:11:00.002-05:00

That's pretty cool huh?

If you aren't facebook stalking me this week, you should be. There's a few new links and tidbits up in honor of IWD.

speaking of social networks, are you aware of how much stuff you belong to online? i definitely was not and then i tried to standardize them. which proved impossible. so now i have a million different logins and passwords, and i also know exactly how many there are. what a nightmare!

see? i have a:
+google account (this one kinda rocks, it includes email jessicaannabelle@gmail.com, a calendar, my blogger acct, and google docs)
+old yahoo account (this one i'm working on getting rid of-can i delete it or does it just sit there, piling up junk mail, for eternity?)
+my u of minnesota mail (and access to all other u of m things- this one is also acceptable)

+wells fargo bank account
+victorias secret credit card account

+which is different from my victorias secret work login site where my schedule is posted

+speaking of stores, i probably have an american eagle account, since i think i have an american eagle credit card. or maybe i just got it for the discount and then cut it up. i should figure that out.
+an amazon.com account
+an etsy account

+couchsurfing page
+reserveamerica.com account

+feministing account
+prochoice resources bowl-a-thon fundraising site WHICH YOU CAN DONATE TO! at http://my.campagne-online.com/personalPage.as px?SID=120884

betsy already did, because she's sexy and cares about women. betsy thinks all women should be able to make informed choices about their sexual and reproductive lives.

daniel also believes in enabling women's choices, which is why he donated too. maybe his money will go to the hershey fund, which offers grants and no interest loans to women who can't afford abortions and therefore don't really have a choice by themselves. if so, he should feel pretty freaking awesome.

i wish i could comment on how cool the rest of you are, but compliments aren't free. they cost 1 or more prochoice,prowomen,profamily dollars.

+i also obviously have a facebook
+i still like aim, mostly for joe and cybersex. but not cybersex with joe.
+and now i have twitter! which is kinda cute and lots like group texting. i think i am a fan, but i would be a bigger fan if i was getting betsy's updates in addition to joe and maisie and sarah's. betsy, i've now asked you on dates, asked you to marry me, and asked you to twitter me. this is like a textbook definition of true love in the modern age.

and that is my internet life history, also probably typical of the modern age

Quick Note

2009-03-08T13:53:00.002-05:00

Apple came out publicly against Prop 8 and donated $100,000 to the No on 8 campaign. a) awesome b) interesting as a pr move c) interesting in terms of the relationship between businesses and the government

More books

2009-03-04T23:17:00.002-06:00

Tonight one of greg's friends says he mainly reads fiction during the week, and then devotes his weekends to non fiction. i am so so so jealous he has that much time to read.

he mentioned wanting to get back into reading history, and i suggested bury my heart at wounded knee and tim o'brian (who i havent read but betsy likes)(betsy i called you cuz i couldnt remember his name at first and needed help). idk if bury my heart is good cuz i read it in 8th? grade, but at the time i was really impressed. lech suggested this graphic novel of american history- a people's history of american empire. i REALLY want to read that.

hoping to make some progress on watchmen tonight after i get a hundred or so pages into the year of living biblically. good good good. (my homework is being a little neglected. shh. look, i will read twenty pages of class reading before the fun reading. ok?)

I Like Lists

2009-03-03T03:21:00.002-06:00

Five things that make me happy:
1. having the apartment to myself. i'm really surprised by this because i usually hate being alone, but the past day and a half have just been sooo nice and calming.
2. my upcoming week. tomorrow i hand in two papers and have my womens studies class :). wednesday i'm going to see richard dawkins talk, and going to meet richard dawkins after. one of the perks of being hyperinvolved is that you end up with sweet connections who ask you to hang out with their group and richard dawkins. oo, and before all that stuff i'm meeting my womens studies class group and planning our porn presentation. thursday i'm not pre-gaming a hillel event because that would be innappropriate, going to the purim party in a sweet costume, and going to see watchmen at midnight. friday theres shabbat and i will hopefully go out. delightful!
3. Rachel Cohn
4. my new fun feminist tshirts! they are in the process of being sharpied and i like them so far.
5. that i have taken a tiny bit of time to read for fun in the past week

Three goals:
1. stop biting fingernails
2. clean the kitchen before greg gets home (then the living room, dining room, kitchen, and half the bedroom will be clean!!! oh boy!!!) i really am that excited about that. i don't feel bad about that either.
3. read a little bit of freud every night, instead of an entire freud book sunday night

One book:
1. Watchmen obviously. (and then City of Ladies, Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History, Things fall apart? or Lysistrata? and someday Foucault)

Cool Interactive Graph about Wage Gaps

2009-03-02T11:15:00.002-06:00

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2009/03/01/business/20090301_WageGap.html?8dpc

Haider Hamza on the Iraq War

2009-02-27T13:12:00.002-06:00

Last night I went to go see Haider Hamza, an Iraqi journalist, give a talk about his experiences covering the Iraq war both overseas and here in the US . Haider was born in Germany , first attended school in Bulgaria , and was living in Iraq during the US invasion in 2003. He came to New York as a Fulbright Scholar in 2005 and graduated last year from Columbia . During his time in the States, he has traveled all over, sometimes setting up a booth that says “Talk to an Iraqi,” simply to see what average Americans think about Iraq and the war.

During his talk at the U, Haider simply presented a slideshow of photos he’d taken in Iraq during the war. He showed us pictures from the beginning of the war of Iraqi children running up to see the US soldiers and give them high fives. There were pictures of holiday celebrations and incredibly gorgeous mosques. There was a picture of a husband screaming at a US soldier to shoot him- the soldier had attempted to search the man’s wife, and when she refused, he tried to arrest her. The husband insisted he be arrested too, because it was improper for his wife to be alone with the soldiers, and when they refused he screamed that they would have to kill him to take her. Another picture showed a group of nude Iraqi men kneeling on the ground while soldiers pointed guns at them. This picture was taken right after a US soldier was killed by Iraqi insurgents, and right before a friend of the dead soldier executed the Iraqi men. Some pictures showed tanks, car bombs, and exploding buildings. One showed rockets larger than people. There was a picture of three Iraqi men lying facedown on the ground, with their pants around their ankles, and large portions of their heads missing where they had been shot. These pictures were still clearly of humans, whereas the photos of Iraqis killed by white phosphorous (a chemical weapon used only by the US and Israel ) were so horrific the bodies looked like monsters, not people. Another photo of people showed a man laying on a sidewalk in a huge puddle of blood while pedestrians and cars continues to travel around him. Many pictures were of children and soldiers, because whenever there was fighting (according to Haider) the adults ran in the opposite direction, and children stayed to watch. One picture showed a smiling little boy selling bullets in front of a burning car.

Haider explained that for many of the young soldiers he met, the strain and fear associated with war made it difficult for them to tell right from wrong. He asked one soldier who had just smiled for a picture with a naked, captive Iraqi whose head was covered by a sandbag why he had wanted to take that photo. The soldier explained that his friend has just been killed by the Iraqis, and he wanted to take the picture to show his girlfriend he’d gotten them back for it. Haider acknowledged that this behavior was criminal but also to be expected in war.

He also discussed some of the aftermath of the US invasion. Apparently, all Iraqis who worked in government during the regime of Saddam and the Ba’ath Party were forbidden to hold power in the new democratic Iraq. This essentially meant that everyone with any government experience was ineligible- leading to the current situation, where most people in power are actually Iranians or professionals like surgeons and professors (who are very intelligent but lack appropriate experience). Because this governing body has not been very effective, the US recently started to allow former Ba’ath party members back into government positions. This reversal come much too late to fix matters however, because in the six years these officials have been barred from their positions many have joined Al Qaeda and other groups and become as dangerous as the US assumed they were initially.

Other concerns of Haider’s surrounded the violence Iraqi children are growing up in. He admits genuine fear for the next generation, who run towards battles to see the excitement, love to play with soldier’s guns, and join the militias at increasingly young ages. The children’s sense of right and wrong is developing in the same environment that causes soldier to make errors like posing for picture with naked captives. These same surroundings have clearly impacted Haider himself, as evidenced in his ability to switch back and forth between nightmarish stories of Iraq and comical anecdotes from the Oscars (he sat next to Meryl Streep) in mid-sentence. Regardless of when Obama finishes withdrawing our troops, we will be dealing with the effects of the war on all of the people involved for a long time to come.

I'm at a mini real blog!

2009-02-19T09:21:00.001-06:00

Check me out!

And one more thing to think about

2009-02-18T20:36:00.002-06:00

This post is entitled Day in the Life of a Feminist/Writer Activist

This post responds with a look at class and economic privilege in the feminist blogosphere

And this post draws a parallel between feminist blogging and colonialism

Well. I'm not sure what direction to head with my reaction. I do want to explicitly point out that I posted these links on my blog.

And While We're Talking About The Environment...

2009-02-18T18:59:00.002-06:00

here's some juicy details about green toys and green pr0n

recycling just got way more fun

Guest Post - Aly is Brilliant

2009-02-18T12:57:00.003-06:00

Woke up to read the business section because I need to know more about that schtuff... and I came across this article:

Inching Toward Greener Cell Phones

And it was all good and fine... yeah cellphones are pretty bad for the environment and green everythings are popping up. But there's just so much more to it than the plastic facade - like what about the minerals and metals? So I researched where those come from, and here's the most recent compelling article on it:

15 and Broke in a Cut-Throat Congo Mining Town

The NY Times doesn't really offer a solution, but I think one way we can change this is through increased awareness. Consumers like us need to be informed about those who are forced to sacrifice their futures, happiness, and health to support our desires for new cellphones and laptops.

As we begin to enjoy all of our new technologies, I think its important to identify the social and environmental costs that are not included in the price-tag we see at Best Buy. Consumers need to hear not only about the global warming and waste implications of their cellphones, they need to know about the PEOPLE who risk their lives to supply the minerals that power these recycled cellphones to light up when they're "fully charged so we can detach them from the wall socket"

This whole "Green" movement won't gain my respect until social costs are calculated along with the environmental costs. I think that enviro and social problems can, and should be solved through each other. My reasoning runs like this: if humans were no longer subjected to mine iron ore that powers cellphones, cellphone companies would either be forced to decrease production rates, or find alternative eco and human-friendly ways to make their cellphones work. As a result, the earth and Congo communities and families would be better off.

Well my cellphone is ringing... and my laptop is running of juice. Gonna go write a letter to the NY times editor. Which, like the thoughts of people mining for cellphone minerals in Congo, will probably not be publicized.

This is where I...

2009-02-16T01:47:00.002-06:00

link to joe's blog where you will find a link to sarah's blog where you will find a gem.

bets- let's wear ring finger rings for awhile. consider this a political proposal. (apolitically though, i love you!)

My Apartment is covered in Hearts!

2009-02-15T10:18:00.002-06:00

Our Valentine's was nice! I taped a card to the bedroom door that said i officially love you too many reasons for one card, and then had a path of hearts that went around the door, and on the other side i taped up about a million hearts with reasons i love him.

i feel so proud when i think of adorable things to do

he got me a beautiful beautiful necklace with little yellow flowers and a book called the city of ladies which looks like lots of fun. we went to go see he's just not that into you. we got thai food. i had a perfect day =)

i'm officially done with all the sponsor getting for the iraqi talker guy thats coming to hillel. also officially done with the first game night which is great because recurring events are easy to plan- the first ones are tricky. and officially done with pro-sex shabbat which was a raging success. there was great attendance, awesome discussion, and a lot of people came up and thanked me afterward for doing an event like that.

now i'm going to go read freud and see the vagina monologues.

love jessi

Part Three (of Three)

2009-02-12T07:51:00.001-06:00

Despite these positive responses, I only rarely tell people the serious reason I’m a feminist. For a long time I never talked about being date raped because, like many girls, I didn’t realize what happened to me was rape. There were no strangers, no weapons, and no date rape drugs. There was only a very long argument, which began when I said that I wasn’t in the mood for sex. My boyfriend yelled at me until I started to wonder if I was really being mean by refusing to do “just one little thing for him”. I wasn’t sure what I had done wrong, but I knew it had to be really bad since he was so angry. Eventually I felt ashamed enough about my “nasty and ridiculous” behavior that I stopped saying no. Over a year later I read an article about acquaintance rape and finally realized I had been justified after all in not wanting to have sex. Today, I am a feminist because I think that if I had been then I would have known my rights and because I think if he had been then he would have respected my choice.

Feminism remains essential in today’s world, because women and others continue to be oppressed by the structure and assumptions of our society. It is my hope that by encouraging everyone to work towards a feminist cause that they feel passionate about we will be able to create a movement strong enough to make a dramatic positive impact. If everyone were to become a little bit of a feminist, I think it would start to dismantle the constructions of aggressive males and acquiescing females, making our world safer and more egalitarian.

I personally want to help enable women to say both yes and no to sex, because I think consent is an essential component of achieving control over our bodies. We will never truly be free, nor equal, until women are given sovereignty of our bodies.

That’s me. Now why and how are you a feminist?

Part Two (of Three)

2009-02-11T11:39:00.003-06:00

The light-hearted answer that I give is that it’s impossible to like sex as much as I do, be a girl, and not be a feminist. As a female who likes to have lots of fun, frequently, with a variety of partners, I need to be outspoken and confidant about the fact that I am doing exactly what I want. If I do not make it overwhelmingly clear that I am happy with my choices, the assumption is that I should be ashamed of them. I am a feminist because the world expects me to be a virgin, or at least monogamous, and I can't tolerate either of those options.

I think one of the main reasons people are so dismayed by my sex life is that Americans seldom engage with female sexual pleasure. In high school sex ed we learn all about scary sex. We’re told abstinence is safe, sex can lead to STDs, condoms are not always safe, sex can lead to pregnancy, and birth control is not always safe. We learn about not having heteronormative sex because male orgasms make kids. Since female orgasms are not necessary for procreation, and sex ed is about preventative (not pleasurable) sexuality, women disappear from our representation of sex. In this limited treatment of sex, men are actors and women are wombs. I further believe the acknowledgement of male pleasure is closely tied to the fact that all of my male friends have had orgasms, and the erasure of female pleasure contributes to many of my female friends’ being completely unaware of their sexuality. (SEE THIS ARTICLE POSTED TODAY http://community.feministing.com/2009/02/the-orgasm-gap.html). I will continue to be a feminist at least until all my friends start climaxing.

Another major obstruction to healthy sexuality is our culture’s association of someone’s self-worth with the number of sexual partners they have had. For men, worth is generally viewed as increasing with every additional partner, and for females the opposite is true. This is especially clear in our treatment of virginity, something for which men are ridiculed and females are rewarded (up to $3.8 million apparently). Right after I started having sex, I remember telling my mom that I was thinking about having sex in order to gauge her reaction. She urged me to wait longer, saying “if you start having sex now, you’ll probably sleep with other people before you get married, and when you finally do find the right person you’ll feel bad about that.” A few weeks ago I emailed my mom and suggested the “performative model” for understanding sex, presented in Valenti’s Yes Means Yes. In this model, I explained, virgins are analogous to amateur musicians with lofty dreams but little skill, practice makes perfect, and new partners present exciting avenues for growth. I need to be a feminist because not everyone knows that they have the option to claim their number, rather than letting it own them.

These are some of the things I mention when I talk about feminism. Lots of people, male and female, have never questioned their understanding of gender and sexuality before and they find doing so is really interesting. Many will even add additional reasons to the why I’m a feminist list, whether or not they have had experience with feminism before our conversation. bell hooks was very right when she suggested that most people do not identify as feminists simply because they are unaware of what it means.

Part One (of Three)

2009-02-10T23:22:00.003-06:00

A week ago in class, my group and I defined feminism as a movement to end sexism and all other forms of oppression, discrimination, and violence (such as those based on race, gender identity, sexuality, class, faith, age, ability, etc). More positively, we might have said feminism is a movement for the acknowledgement of all people as free and equal. Judith Butler would add that in this definition, ‘free’ and ‘equal’ are contested zones, each with a constantly shifting meaning that enables feminism to remain alive and relevant. Because of the massive scope of the movement, its perpetually changing goals, and the diversity of its constituents, I believe individually tailored feminism is the best approach to contemporary feminism. While bell hooks feared this would lead to compromises on important issues and argued against “lifestyle feminism,” wherein everybody is able to decide for themselves what it means to be a feminist, I believe this type of understanding is necessary in order to ensure feminism’s inclusiveness of all oppressed peoples. In my opinion, anyone who is willing to self-identify as a feminist and believe in at least one feminist cause should be encouraged to do so. Only a welcoming and mutually respectful feminist community will be able to build the bridges necessary to unite people of all different feminisms in the effort to improve our world.

So, that said, why and how am I a feminist? What is the connection between feminism and my lifestyle?

Goal-Post Often.

2009-01-30T08:04:00.002-06:00

Here is a quick update:
-Today I have my first Big Brothers Big Sisters since break and I'm excited.
-Today I have my first Coffee Talk, and everything is all set up and ready to go so hopefully it will go well.
-Greg asked me out on a date tonight! Oh boy. =)
-Tomorrow I'm going to a fun party at Lisa's
-After that I'm going to a fun party at AePi

And, in the most exciting of all news, Eve and I have totally started planning our Sex-Positive Shabbat which is going to be the coolest fucking event ever. Ever.

It feels good to be home

2009-01-19T23:15:00.002-06:00

Let's See
.we went plant shopping and got a beautiful orchid and beautiful ficus tree
.we saw revolutionary road and i liked it but greg thinks some of the dialogue sucked
.we had yummy yummy sushi at chino latino
.we are watching six feet under again and i like that
.i am suspicious of all these we sentences
.we made steaks tonight for dinner

school starting up again tomorrow, which means work starting, which means bbbs things to do, which means hillel events to plan should put some i's back in my life

ether way t was a lovely frst weekend back

New Years Resolutions Are For Imperfect People

2009-01-11T14:56:00.002-06:00

Sean and I have now visited Berlin, Geseke, and Amsterdam. We're pondering Brussels? Has anyone been to Brussels? What should we do in Brussels? We will only be there for a day- but we are taking two night trains! That means two free nights of sleep!

Ummm what have we done in brief: or rather, the single coolest thing so far in my opinion: We accidentally went to Anne Frank's House. Apparently the secret annex is in Amsterdam, and it's been made into a phenomenal museum. Standing in Anne Frank's bedroom- eerie and haunting.

Also of note, when female and traveling with single male companion, I recommend being siblings. Sean and I pretended to be step brother and sister in Amsterdam just for fun, and it ended up working out phenomenally. As Sean's little sister I'm automatically 'off limits' in the minds of the strangers in our room, which made me feel a lot safer. Longer letter later about how different relationship labels affect peoples judgements about you? In the moment I am tired.

Love you a whole lot <3

Oh right: New Years Resolutions: keep track of how much goddamned money I am spending, don't bite fingernails, do get a's, don't miss work, actually wake up and make Greg breakfast for a change, and make plans for and go on another cool trip soon.

Update:

2009-01-06T16:32:00.000-06:00

I HAD SEX WITH A GIRL

Stuff White People Like

2008-12-19T08:38:00.002-06:00

This morning on the bus I sat next to the inspiration for the popular blog, Stuff White People Like. He was wearing a black peacoat, carrying a messenger bag, reading The New Yorker, and had an npr hat.

Yesterday on the bus a car hit our bus! It went BOOM and shake shake, but the bus was undented and we were mostly unaffected, because buses are beasty.

Whoa.

2008-12-17T12:23:00.002-06:00

I'm all done! That's pretty cool. This is what I have to look forward to now:
-Afro Dept Office party, where there will be delicious foood
-$400 for completing my jew class
-seeing Lauren at her vegan thing?
-going to Greg's class's party. i think this will be hilarious. i'm going to lie about my age so i will be less like the exact same age of his students and more like the age of their teacher.
-MOVING which included betsy, and packing, and betsy, and unpacking. so i'm obvi (a joke, for betsy) pretty psyched. thre is also some chance of a visit? from jessie?
-working full time like a grown up for a week
-and then going home and to chicago and to deutschland

Cool

2008-12-15T16:02:00.004-06:00

Sarah Silverman

Hey Friends, Family

2008-12-14T03:24:00.002-06:00

We’re supposed to write our final essay for German Women Writers in the form of a pretend email to a friend or family member who has inquired about the class. But instead of pretending, I thought I would use this as an opportunity to email my mom, update my blog, and do homework all at once! This way, I can feel super productive and anyone who’s interested can hear about the books I read and things I learned.

Anyways, German Women Writers was a cultural history class, so we spent some time on the first day talking about how to uncover historical events in literary works. The teacher suggested that we consider the following seven questions while we were reading:
1. What behaviors and practices does this work enforce?
2. Why might readers from a particular time and place find this work compelling?
3. What differences and similarities exist between my values and those implicit in the work?
4. Upon what social understandings does this work depend?
5. Does this work have the potential to constrain any person or group’s freedom of thought or movement? Whose? How?
6. What are the larger social structures with which this work is concerned?
7. And, What are the inherent power relationships in this work?
I thought they were good questions, so included them for my fellow liberal arts majors. We spent the next few classes after that learning condensed German History from 500 to the 1930’s, a period of time in which Hildegard von Bingen (the earliest famous German woman writer) was born and died, Geschlechtscharakter (or characteristics of each gender) were labeled and thereby solidified, industrialization and urbanization took place, romance novels (have you read any? they’re delightful) appeared, and women gained the right to vote. It was refreshing to look at German history from the time before Germany became fused with the Third Reich.

Of course, that was a pretty important time period in Germany history, and when the first books we read took place. Still Alive, by Ruth Kluger, is the memoir of a Holocaust Survivor but it offers a uniquely analytic and complex approach in telling this story, because it was written decades after Kluger escaped the concentration camps. I especially appreciated Kluger’s honesty and bravery in criticizing injustice no matter who was perpetrating it- Nazi’s, Jews, and others. Her comments on unfairly gendered practices within Judaism (for example that women are not encouraged to learn Torah in its entirety) were relevant and remain relevant today, and I respect Kluger’s courageous decision to discuss these problems against the background of the Holocaust. A Woman in Berlin, author unknown, also explored less acknowledged aspects of the war. The book is actually the diary of a German woman, written in the two months following Berlin’s surrender to the Russian army, and it exposes the frequent rapes, near starvation, and other horrors that German civilians (especially women) faced in the aftermath of the war. I found it interesting to think about who had chosen to engage in warfare (politicians, soldiers, men) and who else suffered from the consequences of their decision (Jews, women, the young and the elderly). It’s also worth contemplating how the realities of the war had the potential to compromise Germany’s image (can “good”, white, Christian, Hausfrau/homemaker be reconciled with rape victim?) and how this predicament might be connected to the fact that you haven’t heard about these issues before.

After the war books, we read some post-war books. These illustrated how Germany’s silence following the war constituted a failure to address major issues like racism and prejudice. Although they were educational, the writing style of most of the books was one I particularly don’t enjoy, and because of that I’m skipping them.

The next book we read was my favorite of the entire semester. Verena Stefan’s Shedding is all around awesome. In it, she discusses, questions, and redefines her role in society as a woman, a sexual being, and a feminist. And damn near every experience she’s had, is one I’ve had, so I bet you’ve been through some too. The following things were both reassuring and frustrating, because they show I’m not alone and that not enough has changed in the decades since Shedding was published.
• Other women don’t think being honked or whistled at is “a compliment” either
• Losing your virginity is not necessarily going to be at all like you thought, and that’s not necessarily bad
• Good birth control can be hard to find
• Vaginas are even cooler than this book!
• Women are supposed to do too many things that aren’t worth doing, and it is ok to stop doing them
• It’s also ok to say no. It’s ok to feel like you ought to know that, but sometimes need reminders. It’s ok to do even when it makes you feel impolite, ungracious, unladylike or otherwise uncomfortable.
• Exploring your sexuality, with men, women, toys, yourself, and without regard for the expectations of society is a worthwhile pursuit

I hope these are things you are thinking and talking about, because I think they are things that can improve if we do. Unlike Stefan, I want to address this to all of my friends (male and female) because I know some of these issues do apply to all of us, and the rest are affecting your girlfriends.

A few other interesting themes appeared in Shedding, Christa Wolf’s Self-Experiment, and Helga Königsdorf’s Fission. First, the inadequacy of language to address issues of oppressed and marginalized groups. In Self-Experiment, this dearth of words becomes apparent as the protagonist attempts to report on her experience as the test subject of a sex-change drug. Trapped between her female history and male body, the main character struggles to converse with others, wondering “should I answer as a women? As a man? And if as a man, how, for heaven’s sake?” (Wolf 208). Another complicated subject the texts address is the intersectionality (academic word for meeting places) of race, gender, class, sexuality and other traits. This means that while all women may struggle with some of the same issues, black women will also face others that white women don’t, as will lesbians, etc. A third theme was technology and its dual nature, as seen in Fission, a story that revolves around women scientists, medication, and the atom bomb. While these are all German texts, their relevancy to each of us is apparent in the fact that we’re using technology right now to discuss them, extending a dialogue that has the potential to create missing words and increase understanding.

The challenges of realizing an understanding society was the focus of the last few works we studied. Partly because of Germany’s avoidance of subjects like race and difference after the war, misconceptions about Afro-Germans were a major problem in the latter half of the 20th century. Many white Germans failed to understand Black Germans as fellow citizens (in part because of a failure of language- there was no word for Afro-German until the 80’s), and asked them question like “where are you from?” or “when are you going home?” which located them outside of German society. May Ayim, a German poet of African descent addresses the feelings of displacement and homelessness this caused in many Afro-German in her writing (I’ll pass along examples soon). Understanding diversity in terms of both minorities within Germany and immigrant populations remains a significant challenge for the nation today.

I hope my lengthy email/really lengthy post about German Women Writers and the cultural history their stories reflect proved to be interesting or at least informative. I appreciate you taking the time to read it and I’m looking forward to seeing you all soon.

Love, Jessi

What's the difference between war and terrorism?

2008-12-13T19:20:00.002-06:00

i'm not making an anti-war statement

just saying that if you think about it, there isn't a very clear difference.

of course, war is legally sanctioned and terrorism is not, but does "legally sanctioned" mean something besides a group of people agreed to call it war?

Jessi Vanquishes Major Moving In Challenge #1

2008-12-11T13:29:00.002-06:00

Dude. How the hell does anyone screw the lid on juice that tightly? I spent over ten minutes trying to unscrew this cap. I tried both hands, a rag, my teeth, my hand again, my teeth in other ways... It was so not happening.

So I took the scissors, stabbed the bottle, and drank from there.

Challenge Vanquished.

From Mr. Bukowski

2008-12-10T19:00:00.003-06:00

...because it's just what I like to do
while writing little stories and poems and sometimes novels
influenced by
Hemingway, Celine, Dostoevsky, Turgenev, Jeffers, Lawrence,
Cummings, Shostakovitch, Mahler, Mozart, Sibelius, Beethoven,
Faulkner, Fante, Sherwood Anderson, Hamsun, my cats, my wife,
the shape of my coat thrown over a chair, the weeping of the planet,
the curving elbow of time, the flight of the hummingbird and
Bartok in a dirty white apron handing me a plate of
shelled nuts.

From Women and the Arts:

2008-12-10T18:54:00.000-06:00

Locating, Opposing and Casting Out At Home

For my second event, I attended the Transgender Commission Open House, where I met Kate Bornstein and watched her perform a series of short pieces questioning the system behind gender. I also picked up Kate’s My Gender Workbook and a transgender friend at the event, which has taught me a lot about how to look at gender and the people marginalized by gender. At the same time as I was investigating that, I was reading Derek Gregory’s The Colonial Present in a global studies class. Interacting with transgender people made me think about how our society positions transpeople as Others within our borders, in much the same way that Gregory claims America has positioned terrorists, Middle Easterners, Muslims, and other groups as exterior Others. In his book, he delineates three tactics for constructing others, calling them ‘locating,’ ‘opposing,’ and ‘casting out. He then demonstrates how this process sanctions violence against foreign others, which bears incredible similarity to the way violence against transpeople in the United States is made more acceptable than violence against men and women.

Locating, according to Gregory’s definition, uses technical wording to reduce opponents to objects. He cites the use of terms like Palestinian targets (instead of Palestinian men, women and children) and the Iraqi Military Machine (as opposed to Iraqi soldiers and civilians) to illustrate this point. The dehumanization of transpeople also begins with locating them outside of the category of people by using the binary gender system in the same way warfare wields technical words. Gender, as most people understand it, means either Man or Woman. Most people also believe that everyone falls into one of these categories- you are a boy or a girl, a male or a female, a man or a woman, or any number of other one-or-the-other groups. If, like Kate, you decides to position yourself as “gender-neither,” people suddenly don’t know what you are. Imagine:
“Male or Female?”
“Nope!”
“I’m sorry, did you say male or female?”
“I didn’t. I’m neither. I prefer to operate without a gender.”
“Well, if you’re not male or female- what are you?”
Without gender (the immediate binary category assigned to people at or before birth based on what they look like between their legs) people don’t know how to view someone. Less obvious ways of failing to perform Male or Female, from wearing a dress and a mustache to not sewing as well as the other girls, generally lead to the same type of denigrating relocation outside of an expected gender, where one becomes nothing. In the same way that technical words transform human opponents into targets and other objects, a binary understanding of human gender removes people who don’t fit well from the general group of “human”.

The next step Gregory discusses, opposing, relies on cultural attacks to reduce problems to a confrontation between Civilization and barbarism. This division calls good American citizens to fight against ignorance, darkness, and Evil itself. In terms of 9/11 and the war on terror, opposing was achieved by asking the American public “Why do they hate us?” Similarly, in the context of differently gendered people, opposing often originates from the construction of a perceived attack on what are seen as traditional family values. One example of this type of opposition would be presenting integrity or being oneself as an American virtue and then faulting transpeople for ‘lying’ about who they are. This feeling of being deceived could come any number of reasons ranging from a conflict between their inner and exterior images of self to having an unexpected history in a different body. According to Kate, “that seems to be universally the least forgivable crime: we’re not who we seem to be” (Bornstein 22). A major fallacy of opposing is that it relies on the erasure of historical and societal factors that explain these apparently shocking realizations. In the case of the war, the question “Why do they hate us?” can be answered any number of ways if one considers the effects of US intervention in the Middle East or the ideological differences between our cultures (keeping in mind that other cultures also have ideologies, and they are not necessarily any more or less valid that our own). Similarly, one cannot credibly impugn transpeople for not being open in a society where honesty about having a non-normative gender identity has often led to that person’s death. Opposing is, of course, accomplished through many different forms of reductions to us vs. them binaries, but they follow the same general pattern illustrated by the integrity vs. dishonesty example. This oversimplification relies on locating (the first step) to objectify the other and separating them from history and society, in order that they may be re-imagined as having an irreconcilably different nature from the self.

Casting out, or insisting that the life of the different or divergent person is worthless, constitutes the final move in sanctioning violence against them. This occurs after a person has been transformed into an object or other un-person through localization and characterized as inherently different and threatening by opposing. At this point, they are said to have a life without value, eradicating them is no longer ethically wrong but prudent. Gregory demonstrates the success of this attitude when he points out that many believe “ten dead Israelis are a massacre; 50 Palestinians not enough to count” (Gregory 116). Casting out the Palestinians has led to the conclusion that their deaths are inconsequential and need not be recognized. The attitude that some people do not deserve to live has been equally dangerous for transpeople. Many transmen and women have lost their lives because they were cast out from normal society and attacked by people who believed they were subhuman. This denigration is enabled by a binary understanding of gender and the prejudices that stem from that understanding and is a very real and very dangerous, as evidenced by the fact that transgender people are murdered at a significantly higher rate than other Americans. Overseas and at home, expelling people from the basic category of humanity enables high incidences of violence and in many cases the loss of life.

The three moves outlined in Derek Gregory’s The Colonial Present, as characterizing the construction of an other abroad, can also be understood as the process by which transgender people become others at home. The localization of transpeople outside traditional gender categories, fear inspired by this displacement and through opposing, and depreciation of their lives all combine to cast transpeople as others and to some extent, permit violence against them because of their non-traditional identity.

Idk Finals Week?

2008-12-10T10:44:00.002-06:00

Hey Friends

I'm allllll done with Women and the Arts and with German Lit.

For Global Studies:
I still need to write an essay about Orientalism, The Colonial Present (READ THIS BOOK), and Barbarian Virtues.
I still need to take a quiz about Barbarian Virtues.

For German Women Writers:
I need to write this essay- "pretend a friend or family member wrote you an email asking about your classes. what would you email them back about this class?"
And a second essay about language, different germanies (germany v austria, east v west, white v other), or different how different genres work

For History of the Middle East:
One Essay

Other things that aren't classes:
The first person to call me about my room, also the first person I showed my room to, wants my room! that was pretty easy so far. Also, showing this guy my room was a fun experience that went like this-
"Sorry I'm a little late. Who's got the Rolling Stones truck?"
"That's my roommate Abby's."
"Sweet. I've got a Rolling Stones tattoo" proceeds to take off shoes.
"Thats awesome. Cool shoes, too"
"Thanks. They're from 1947"
"Whoa. Cool Post World War shoes then."
dude also had 80's rock star hair. long and wavy.
Oh! and I'm moving in with Greg!

Oof.

2008-12-09T15:19:00.001-06:00

Getting an IUD hurts more than getting your clit pierced.

love, jessi (inimpregnable until 2018)

Reading Lolita In Tehran

2008-12-04T17:39:00.002-06:00

Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books is a story about the experiences Azar Nafisi has as a Literature Professor at the University of Tehran during the Iranian Revolution and about the private class she teaches in her home after being expelled for not wearing a veil. It's also unbelievably biased towards the United States.

The selective version of history that Nafisi presents in her discussion of the Iranian Revolution and the Iran-Iraq War completely erases US complicity in both events. First of all, the Islamic faction does not simply overthrow the Shah after a series of protests. They were dissatisfied with the Shah because of his close (multi-billion dollar) relationship with America, and they protested his regime largely because of this, which caused the US to withdraw their support, which greatly contributed to his downfall. Additionally, during the Iran-Iraq War that Nafisi writes about, describing in detail how terrified she was of the bombs falling all over the city, the US supported Iraq. In the book, Nafisi does not hesitate to condemn the Islamic Republic or the War, but she never faults the US, who can apparently do no wrong.

Her discussion of the veil also reinforces stereotypes of Islamic women as oppressed, a misconception that was used to garner support for the war on terror.

And her admiration for "Western Classics" marginalizes Iranian authors and artists. For example, from reading her memoir, one would never know that during the time she was writing about there was an incredibly progessive feminist film movement in Iran. Another issue is the fact that she published a book about the virtue of the English Canon (books by dead white men) right after minority authors in the US had finally earned a place in classrooms. Nafisi's memoir can easily be co-opted as proof that their struggle was "unnecessary" because "Western Literature really is better" than the literature of other people and cultures.

While Reading Lolita in Tehran does not pretend to be a history book, Nafisi ought to have considered the potential her book had to affect others, especially considering that it was published during the early years of the war on terror, and given more thought to how she depicted both the United States and Iran.

What! Free Time! What!

2008-11-26T11:17:00.002-06:00

This is what Greg and I have planned for Thanksgiving:
Pillsbury Big Buttery Flaky Crescent Rolls
Lemon Parsley Green Beans
Garlic Mashed Potatoes
An Eleven Pound Turkey (it was the smallest one)
Gravy
Stuffing
Apple-Orange-Pomegranate-Cranberry Sauce (he doesn't like cranberries)
And Pumpkin Pie (which i have never had before)

i'm excited to spend all day cooking, and then eat sooooo much, and then watch lotr. what a perfect delicious day.

but i am sorry that i will be missing all of you.

in other news, i'm working retail on black friday! except its pink friday (of course) at vickies. our deals suck. dont come. seriously. but everyone who does come, can expect me to sales person trick them into buying a bunch of bras and signing up for an angels card. doesnt that sound fun?

mmmk. i am going to go finish making greg a crafty present, attend my last class of the week, go out on a date! and put my room up for rent on craigslist. wish me luck with subleaser finding and have a lovely day.

I have been activisting all over!

2008-10-28T10:14:00.002-05:00

look! yesterday at the AWESOME website for the 'this is not an invitation to rape me' campaign, you could comment but you had to enter a name and select male or female. since i just saw kate, read her book, and met some transgender people who don't quite know where they fall between male and female, i emailed the people and suggested they add a third option.

And Look!

Hi Jessica,
Just to let you know that Transgender has now been added as an option
for those submitting comments on the campaign website.

Best wishes,

Eileen

Eileen Maitland
Information & Resource Worker
Rape Crisis Scotland
Tara House, 46 Bath Street
Glasgow G2 1HG
Tel: 0141 331 4181
www.thisisnotaninvitationtorapeme.co.uk

What Fun!

Because I Twitter on my Blog

2008-10-27T14:43:00.002-05:00

if you see my mommy, tell her how proud i am of her vote.

Another Reason

2008-10-27T14:06:00.003-05:00

to make and wear your own "please don't insult me or other women by whistling or honking at us when we wear short skirts" t-shirt, patch, sticker, or sandwich board.

not a woman? don't like skirts? make your own message and stop sexual harassment.

http://peggyluwho.wordpress.com/2008/10/22/more-thoughts-on-street-harassment/#comment-794

Freaking Awesome

2008-10-27T09:14:00.001-05:00

http://www.thisisnotaninvitationtorapeme.co.uk/

To My Global Studies Teaching Assistant

2008-10-25T13:44:00.003-05:00

Hi,

At the end of class on Friday, you said "another reason we say in China that the US supports Israel is the Jews control Wall Street."

I'm not sure if you really believe this or you were just joking, but either way I don't think your comment was correct or appropriate. Saying Jews control Wall Street reflects a negative stereotype that originated in the Middle Ages. At that time, Jews were forbidden to hold most jobs due to their religion. Money lending was one of the only professions available to them, because handling money was seen as dirty or sinful and people believed only the Jews were low enough to engage in this practice. Because religious persecution caused many Jews to become money lenders, today people mistakenly associate Jews with money and greed.

Additionally, we've been discussing concepts like orientalism, otherizing, and racism in class and I think grouping all Jews together (by merit of race or religion) and then attributing characteristics like "control wall street" to them is a pretty clear example of engaging in these negative behaviors. After spending weeks discussing the inadequacies of stereotypes like the Oriental other, Muslim terrorist, and Palestinian threat, I'm surprised you didn't realize it might be unfair to perpetuate the stereotype of the "rich, greedy Jew".

I would like it if you could apologize and explain this error in class next week, because I don't feel comfortable learning in an environment where my teacher is instructing my classmates that anti-semitism is acceptable. Please email me before then to let me know whether or not you understand my concerns.

Thank you,
Jessica Lynch

Kate Bornstein

2008-10-22T00:08:00.002-05:00

Tonight I went to see Kate Bornstein, author of Gender Outlaw, My Gender Workbook, and most recently Hello, Cruel World: 101 alternatives to suicide for teens, freaks, and other outlaws.

Kate was born male, became (operation and everything) female, and later abandoned that as well, preferring to live without gender. Kate's books address the nature of gender as a social construct and the inherent oppression of that system.

Tonight Kate told us about how the New York Times asked hir if she could rephrase "transgender movement" because them printing it would acknowledge that such a movement did exist.

Ze spoke about coming out to hir mother as a transsexual.

(I learned about gender neutral pronouns.)

Ze informed us about Scientology's persecution of ex-members. Did you know Kate was beyond evil? So evil just being in the same room with hir has the potential to contaminate you? Good thing Kate gave us 'get out of hell free' cards on the way out, ensuring that if we did whatever we wanted in order to be happy (except for being mean), ze would serve our time in hell for us. I like this philosophy so much that I would even serve my own time in hell.

Because of her work and the fact that the UMN Transgender Commission was hosting the event, I also got to meet some other transgender people and hear what they had to say.

And the food was delicious. (Food is always important.)

Loves,
More-Gender-Conscious-Jessi

Yay!

2008-10-15T16:27:00.003-05:00

The Girl Effect!

And remember, dislike Sarah Palin for gender neutral reasons.

Utopia?

2008-10-15T10:29:00.003-05:00

Only do that which you are willing to be open and honest about. How does this stand up as a guide for your actions?

It gives you the freedom to do anything you want. But it also means that if you do something, you have to be ok with other people knowing about it. Already, there are some things you won't do just because you would be ashamed if your friends, parents, etc knew. Furthermore, if you do decide to follow through with a course of action that isn't likely to meet social approval, you have to be willing to defend it in order to continue behaving the way you want without feeling bad.

I think this works as an individual guide within the framework of our society.

It doesn't work if everyone follows it (Kant) because then everyone would be pursuing different individual goals, potentially at the expense of others (so long as they were willing to defend why it was worth it).

I think once you start to think of things in terms of a community, you need to come together as a community and agree on shared values that you'd be willing to fight for. Really small family unit type groups seem ideal for allowing the maximum of expression by associating with like minded people.

I haven't finished thinking about this so I'm not sure it would hold up, but each little family group unit could have a representative that met with neighboring little groups and decided some common codes of conduct as well. And then a representative from that meeting could meet with the representatives from surrounding neighborhoods... etc. It seems like this would be a good form of bottom up government, that protects and negotiates between different peoples own beliefs. In my little group unit, if we saw individual expression as the ideal, we could promote that while still agreeing with the 'community harmony idealists' about a shared value of nonviolent solutions to problems. Does that work?

SOLUTION!

2008-10-10T10:44:00.002-05:00

Every single time I have worn a skirt in the past two or so weeks, someone has said something that I really did not need to hear. A bunch of guys at a bus stop whistled when I walked past. On campus, a guy shouted Hey at me after I'd already walked by, and then motioned with his finger that I should 'come here.' I received way more assistance than was necessary in a goddamned bookstore, for christ's sake. No, thank you, I do not need you to walk me to the book I'm looking for while telling me bad jokes. And yesterday while I was walking home someone driving past slowed down, honked, and watched me the whole time he was going past.

The worst part of this is that if it happens when I'm alone (which it usually does- no one hits on women who already have a male escort) I can't say anything back without endangering myself. Flipping off the guy who honks at you will probably make him think you need a lesson about how to take a compliment. So wearing a skirt means silently resigning myself to unwanted attention.

But not anymore!!! I found a solution!!! I made a patch. It says: Please don't insult me or other women by whistling or honking when we wear short skirts. More importantly, it says SOMETHING and in a way that's totally safe. I have presence again, because I can talk. And hopefully, some of those assholes will read it and realize that I'm not dressing up for them.

Because I am so not going to stop dressing up because of them.

P.S.

2008-10-09T16:07:00.004-05:00

Wikipedia is smarter than me

The Economy!

2008-10-09T15:40:00.002-05:00

at least, insofar as i almost barely understand some of what's going on

anyways, friday i had coffee with the cute boy from my german class, under the fairly legitimate pretense of wanting to hear about the recent financial crisis. we had a very nice time, i learned a good amount and i remember some of it. its confusing.

apparently, banks have been giving out bad mortgages or mortgages that are out of people's ability to pay off. i think they were doing this because they made nice commissions every time they sold a house, and because they thought the housing market was super fantastic and reliable. then, lots of these mortgages/loans were assumed by big investment companies (like fannie and freddie and the rest of the people who aren't doing well). these investment companies have less federal restrictions on them than banks do, so they were able to trade different loan packages/securities/money things with each other, essentially betting on what different arrangements would have the biggest payoff. but, when people began to default on their mortgages (not be able to pay them), and the banks sold the houses at extra low prices in order to make some money back (foreclosures?), all of the sudden the things the big investment companies had been gambling with weren't worth any money anymore. so the big companies, which employ huge teams of expensive researchers that analyze various market/housing/economic trends, ended up not really having the money they'd been counting on.

so, pretty much everyone (economists) is saying the federal government needs to step in. colin says this is because no one else does what these companies do and it will leave a huge hole in the system if they go under. greg points out that maybe this trading doesn't need to be happening. i am unclear. but anyways, the "bailout" means the government would buy the companies at lower prices and hold on to them until things clear up/are fixed and they hopefully get a return on their investment. that way nothing collapses in the meantime.

a thing that is worrying me- if we pass a 700 billion dollar bailout thing, which everyone has told me is the right thing to do and i dont know enough about to disagree, which parts of obama's plan are going to evaporate due to lack of funds? is that correct, to assume that the bailout money will affect how much money is available for other things? are we losing money for students, general tax cuts or the health care plan first?

hopefully joe can fill in some of my blanks and answer some of these questions after his date with the math professor

hopefully everyone else is going on really freaking educational pseudo dates too

Helter Skelter/Holy Fuck

2008-10-08T13:22:00.002-05:00

Wow. Going backwards;

-I just handed in an abysmal paper for History of the Middle East. Like C/D quality, so I will probably get a B/C depending on how the rest of the class does. I thought about being sick, having a broken printer, or some other alternatives, but realistically I don't want to/don't have time to do it better anyways.

-I handed in a sub par paper for German Women Writers that I hope will be graded generously since its in German.

-I handed in a sub par paper that I can (thank god) revise for Women and the Arts.

-And I miraculously wrote a good paper in two hours at work for German Lit. Plus I'll get to revise it.

But seriously, I should not have a million papers due all at once. I'm too stressed for that kindof additional stress. And I should also not paint on my walls, watch movies, smoke, and otherwise not do homework when I know I have this much homework. But I bet one week of pretty much not doing everything I really ought to have done will not hurt too much.

In better news;

-Greg and I are going to the Guthrie to see an Arthur Miller play!

-Now that all my papers are done I really can spend time painting a tree on my wall.

-My room is ALMOST CLEAN!

-Sophs is not even a bunny anymore. She is a dog. She plays fetch with herself, and is not afraid of anything! Last night she came and sat on my keyboard while I was checking my comics, and she crawls all over Annie and I in bed, and made off with my jewelry. So much for being a prey species- she is a fearless bandit.

-Annie and I are going to see Post Secret and I am buying black boots.

-I was bitching to Greg about how no one ever asks me on dates, and how no one really asks anyone on dates, and how this is a bummer. And then I got asked on a date! Dude from my jew class is funny, nice, (jewish), but it's not going to go anywhere. He's like my age and seems like a normal upstanding young man (not really my type). Still, dates are fun and awesome.

-My Dad is finally actually coming with the rest of my furniture!

Thats probably most important things. If I am successful in reading books, watching movies, and making arts over the next bit I'll let you know.

Free Time?

2008-10-01T13:01:00.002-05:00

No. I'm lying. But here is an update anyways!

SOPHIE LEARNED HOW TO PLAY WITH A TOY. She picked up her brush in her mouth and then ran across the room with it and then she dropped it, and picked it up and ran the other way. It was so cute! She can pick up things and run with them! I am so excited!

I just wrote a paper on an event I went to for Women and the Arts. The event was a play, entitled Getting to the Dance Floor: A Salsa Guide for Women. It was a humorous accounting of a feminist Latina ethnographer's experiences in LA Nightclubs. I wrote about how old fashioned traditional Cuban dancing was seen as less cool than new showy LA Style dancing which became a bit too trendy and led some girls to create their own dance styles! How cute.

At work, my boss told me to do a complicated project that took me lots of hours and he told me to use A COMPLETELY WRONG set of data to do it. So now I am to redo it, except the correct data is going to come in bit by bit, not all at once, so I am to redo it bit by bit which is annoying as fuck. Grown ups suck a lot.

Greg's brother is coming for a visit and I'm going to meet him. Nervous excited?

I want a better understanding of national debt. I want a big chart of all the countries in the world's surpluses and debts and an explanation of why countries borrow money, what for, how they pay it back, and the rest of my questions.

Der Panther or The Panther by Rilke is a good poem. And reread Oh Captain, My Captain.

kk loves bye!

The Ups and Downs of Orthodoxy

2008-09-29T13:25:00.003-05:00

The Maimonides Fellowship that I'm doing is about fostering relations within the Jewish Community, which I completely agree with. Because the Jewish population is very small and historically has faced a lot of outside opposition, I think we could benefit from fewer prejudices and misunderstandings within. As part of the program, this weekend myself and the other dozen members of the class attended an Orthodox Jewish Shabbos, joining an observant family in their home in St. Louis Park from sundown on Friday to sundown on Saturday.

This is what we did:

-myself, Stephanie (1), and Mirena arrived at the Murray's home and played with Menachem and Avrami while Fagi finished up dinner and Yacov went to Shul (temple)

-the three of us from the class ate with their family, and Yacov's parents. the food was incredible and there was a lot of it (see sample shabbat meal menu). during the meal Yacov's father made some interesting observations about the state of the world and the jewish calendar (2)

-afterwards, all the members in the class met at rabbi cohen's house, to relax for a bit before a discussion (3)

-around 1 am Mirena and I went home and talked for a couple hours before falling asleep

-saturday at noon we went to another family's home for another very large meal, interspersed with singing and talking(4)

-then in the afternoon i snuck some text messages(5) and took a nap

-finally, we headed upstairs for a light dinner and the havdalah(sp?) ceremony, which signifies the end of shabbat

Sample shabbat meal menu:

First Course-challah, salad, other salad, optional third salad, hummus, and probably olives, horseradish, and egg salad

Second Course-chicken, beef, stew, some kind of veggie pie something, some kind of sweet dessert pie, and probably a noodle option

Dessert-slice of cake or brownie

(all kosher, of course)

These are some of the thoughts I'm thinking:

(1) Converting to Orthodox Judaism because you have a crush on a boy is such a bad idea. This girl is head over heels for a cute, quite self righteous boy who is forbidden to touch girls. Why the hell would you want to date someone who you can't accidentally bump into, much less hold hands with, kiss, or fuck? Furthermore, why the hell would you want to join a community that prohibits you to touch members of the opposite sex ever. The counter argument here says that this tradition ensures people are valued for their intellect and personality rather than their bodies. And my counter counter argument is that people should have the autonomy to enjoy and prioritize looks and personality on their own.

(2) Apparently, both 9/11 and the current financial crash happened close to the end of the Jewish Year, at a time when many jews of varying levels of observance are praying for forgiveness and relief. Yacov's father, who had been studying this connection believes this is because God is turning the hatred of the world away from the jews (and instead to the arabs, or the bankers) as an answer to these prayers. Personally, I would rather hatred be eradicated than redirected. And I think rewriting history so that it corresponds with your religion (orthodox judaism, evangelicalism, my father's brand of republicanism...) encourages ignorance and intolerance.

(3) One of the things I really do enjoy about the orthodox community, and to a lesser extent the jewish community, is that you are ALWAYS welcome. Unlike in real life, where sometimes you don't fit at a particular party, you might not be dressed right, no one understands the joke you made, etc- you always belong here. It is really really nice to be able to spend a Friday night at home without having to feel like you should be out, and it is really really nice to spend time with other people who want to have interesting discussions. This kind of acceptance is harder to find in secular society, and that's kind of a shame.

(4)I couldn't sing! Everyone was singing, and it was fun, and someone had given me a book to sing along with (I thought) and then Stephanie poked me, hard, and told me I wasn't supposed to sing. So I told her that was dumb and kept singing, but a little more quietly. After we finished I asked Rabbi Cohen's wife if Stephanie was right, and she explained that as women, part of preserving our modesty in front of men is to not beautify our voices in mixed company. Which is probably the dumbest thing ever. I'm not modest! I'm the opposite of modest! Screw modesty. And screw my life being dictated by rules that men wrote. And screw women who subscribe to and enforce those rules. I shouldn't have to feel stupid or ashamed for enjoying myself ever.

(5) Text messages during an orthodox shabbos must be snuck because you can't do work on the day of rest. Work means anything creative, or anything that you do during the week at your job. My cell phone falls under this category because its electronic and lights up, and creating light is a form of work.

In Conclusion:

Exploring vastly different lifestyles is interesting and at times enjoyable, but understanding the reality of the rest of the world and valuing equal rights for everybody is probably more important.

My aren't we talkative lately

2008-09-23T10:48:00.001-05:00

http://www.adbusters.org/magazine/79/hipster.html

i only skimmed this, but it seemed solid. there's also a good chance i'm not wearing the right clothes-shit shit shit.

Books are Delicious

2008-09-22T13:30:00.002-05:00

He writes, I fix helicopters.

He writes, I make everything work

So everyone can fly again.

Baby Shower

2008-09-22T10:08:00.003-05:00

As we arrived, each of the guests was handed a big safety pin and informed that if you said the word "baby" and someone caught you, they got your pin. Whoever had the most pins at the end of the party (my roommate Annie! Congratulations!) got a prize.

There was lots of food and about a dozen girls there.

We all participated in a which-team-can-drink-the-entire-baby-bottle-fastest relay race, and played a baby stuff edition of the price is right.

My other roommate/soon to be mommy got lots of presents, including blankets, clothes, diapers, wipes, and bath toys.

Overall, it was fun, but it would have been more fun and less really weird if I was older.

Things I Am Liking

2008-09-21T19:00:00.005-05:00

Sherman Alexie. Read South by Southwest, one of the short stories from The Toughest Indian in the world.

Toni Morrison. Sula is sitting on my shelf, just waiting for me to read it. I want to.

Charles Bukowski. See:

How Is Your Heart?

during my worst times

on the park benches

in the jails

or living with

whores

I always had this certain

contentment-

I wouldn't call it

happiness-

it was more of an inner

balance

that settled for

whatever was occuring

and it helped in the

factories

and when relationships

went wrong

with the

girls

I'm going to go to the library to get more of him.

And,

Betsy and I are supposed to have an art date. It's supposed to involve painting? I don't typically do painting- what should I try?

Rachie and I are considering embarking on some kind of kickass collaborative work. What should we create for you?

I am thinking about tattoos again- this time book related. Possible locations are my hip area, or my ankle area. Probable subject matter will be coming from especially vivid passages from GREAT BOOKS like 20,000 Leagues, Illustrated Man, Ender, Golden Compass, Alice... Send me your favorite imaginative works, and some especially imaginative paragraphs.

British Colonialism is in Vogue

2008-09-19T10:30:00.008-05:00

No, Literally.

The caption for the photo directly above on the left reads "With a flash of crimson, Knightley makes like the Masai, whose warriors wear red. Balenciaga by Nicolas Ghesquière shirt, pants, and shawl."

__________________________________________________

In their performance piece, Undiscovered Amerindians, Coco Fusco and Guillerma Gomez-Pena appear in a large cage, as two specimens of the formerly unknown Guatinaui People. The artists wore "native" dress, including a grass skirt, leopard bikini top, and wrestling mask. While on display they performed a variety of "traditional rituals" ranging from sewing voodoo dolls to working on a laptop. For a small donation, the pair would dance to rap music or pose for polaroids.

Their piece, intended as a satire on Western relations with the Other, was believed to be factual by the majority of viewers. Their reactions ranged from concern as to whether the two Amerindians (artists) were being fed well enough, to requests to see genuine Guatinaui genitals. A small portion of viewers, usually minorites, emphasized greatly with the artists work. One man even stopped to tell them that their exhibit illustrated how he felt everyday as a Mexican living in Great Britain.

Fine...

2008-09-17T09:43:00.002-05:00

I will write something. I figure it is about time.

These are the things I'm involved in:

Intro to Global Studies.
So far in this class we read and discussed how coca-cola is not always the nicest company. Apparently, in Plachimada they stole everyone's groundwater, in India they sold soft drinks full of pesticides, and in Cambodia they were ignoring the frequent murders of Union leaders at their company. Another thing we are exploring is representation, and how when we learn about other cultures, we are also learning something about the motives and biases of the author reporting on those other cultures.

History of the Middle East.
We've learned about Islamic law, and how it is composed of four different codes. The first is the Quran, and then there is the Life of the Prophet, followed by analogy to either of these, and finally common practice. So something is Fatwa, permissable, if it is determined to be so by any of these four sources.

German Women Writers.
We read Ruth Kluger's Still Alive (oder, Weiter Leben). It was superb. Because she is writing about her experience during the Holocaust decades after the end of the war, she achieves some distance from what happened and is able to analyze how different things she lived through impacted her over the rest of her life. She also offers interesting comments on the modern "museum culture" of concentration camps.

German Literature.
We're reading Hoffman, and will soon be reading Kleist. Since they're the best ever you should learn German and read them too. The story we are working on now is about a man in a coffeeplace having imaginary conversations in his head, when all of the sudden he is joined by a composer who died twenty years ago. And the question is whether this other man is one of the characters in his head or if he really did speak with him.

Women and the Arts.
So far, we have been "politicizing the gaze." I think that means analyzing the inherent relationships in looking at things. For example, when you look at a picture, it's worth considering the motivations of the person who created the picture, the feelings of the subject, the effect of it's current location (like a museum, or living room wall), why it was put there, what the owner thinks about the picture, and why you react to it the way you do. Is that clear? I'm not entirely clear on it yet and I don't have my notes.

Hillel.
I'm on the board. Ooh la la. I'm supposed to attend things, and plan an event. So far I've been to a board meeting, a general meeting, two shabbats, and a coffee talk. And my event is pretty much on track...Girl's Night Out at Cupcake ladies, Thursday, September 25 at 7:30. Everyone who's anyone will be there, so you should be too. Basically, things so far are going well. (ps- if you are Jewish, and have not yet participated in Birthright, GO TO ISREAL FOR FREE.)

Mamonides.
My paid Jewish Culture Class starts tonight. My friend is in it! That will be cool. I'll let you know how it goes.

Job 1 - Secretary.
Still working as an office assistant in the African American and African Studies Department. It's good, I do a little work and a lot of facebooking.

Job 2 - Vickies.
My first shift at Victoria's Secret Uptown was last weekend! It went well, and I got a free perfume and ten dollar ivory ipex with lace. Retail is kinda dumb, but I like these perks.

My House!
Annie and I are still together, but this time I have my own room. And Abby, Britney, and Derrick live with us now too. Nobody does the dishes. Seriously guys, do the dishes. Anyways, my bathroom is colorful, my room is almost clean, Sophie likes having a carpet to run on, and things are pretty much good.

Other.
I have friends, and a boyfriend, and have been doing art projects (a skirt, a scarf, some jewlery) instead of homework. I have not been reading and this is crappy, and the fault of homework. And then I'm also deciding who to vote for.

A Renovation

2008-08-21T00:06:00.003-05:00

Sean said, "There's no better time for me to see the world in a new light that right now."

Bill Watterson, the creator of Calvin and Hobbes, wrote, "Everything familiar has disappeared! The world looks brand-new! A new year... A fresh clean start! Its like having a big white sheet of paper to draw on! A day full of possibilities! It's a magical world... Let's go exploring!"

You should be reading A Softer World because it's unique, beautiful, relevant, dark, thought provoking, and humorous. It's some kind of perfect life in three pictures and a line of text. Emily, the photographer, also takes pretty non-comic pictures like this one. And Joey, who writes the comic, published a novel online as a means of making money for college, and is currently interviewing people close to him.

Today is my last day of being home for my last summer home. And my first day of what's next!

Nights, Days

2008-07-25T20:52:00.002-05:00

Let's see.

Greg is back gone again, but it's ok because I will see him in one week and one day. He's spectacular!

I saw Aly on Monday and I feel bad. She really wants to do arts and crafts or go biking and I just don't have energy for real activities post work. I want to spend very very low key time with friends, because I love to see my friends, but it's exhausting for me and I don't have time to do fun things. And of course, lots of times like last night when she Meg and Shan went to Germanfest i don't have time to do things period because I have a shift. My dad asked me yesterday if I'd gotten to see all the friends I wanted this summer and the answer is a pretty obvious no. I have a long list of people who mean the world to me, and a very short list of times I've been able to go out with them. It's not great, it makes me sad, and it makes me more sad when I know they're hurt by it. But I still haven't taken out a loan, because I want to be able to travel as soon as I graduate, and I don't know another way to do this. So I'm sorry, and I'm stuck.

I saw Erin from work on Tuesday! That was really fun for me because I haven't hung out with a work friend from Vickies before. I also got to be a reference for her in her job search. I really enjoyed exaggerating how difficult and important customer service at Victorias Secret can be, and telling them how Eirn is just fabulous.

I also went to see Dark Knight super late and loved it. I wanna see it again. Wanna see it again?

And then otherwise, I've been working and lovign the fact that I have four weeks left. I am so capable of making it through four weeks, even if I work two jobs every day. Four weeks means an end in sight. Awesome!

Sophie is adorable, and needs some more attention. I can give her a bit, but I'm looking forward to more consistent playtime and veggie feeding once I'm back at school. She's a darling fluffernutter all the time though.

Joe is freaking fantastic. He brought up Jane, from Ender's Game in the middle of a conversation. He gave me an edition of Gone with the Wind which was published only a year after it very first came out. We played sweet go find the idea games on Wikipedia. (How to play: think of an idea, like gazelle. Hit random article. Use the links to other pages to find your way to the page for gazelle. Be a winner.)

Finally, my wisdom teeth are out! I was SO TERRIFIED because I HATE DENTISTS but before I knew it I was asleep, and then I was awake and in mom's car and had all this gauze shoved in my mouth. So I did it! I think I'm supposed to have gauze in my mouth right now, but I'm convinced I can heal myself better than anyone else can and it felt yucky so I took it out. I'm going to sleep and be hurty the rest of the night, and tomorrow watch movies with friends and eat soft foods.

I have officially earned a new piercing, which of course means I'll get two so I can try and wrangle some buy one get on half off kinda deal. So cannot wait!!!!!

Getting to know ________

2008-07-18T00:53:00.002-05:00

Tonight was fraught with misunderstandings, crankiness, and worries. But that's ok, because I know a couple things that are more important! (like tomorrow, and how I feel right now.)

Joe says Camera Obscura reminds him of me. I listened to them for the first time tonight and I'm flattered.

Final thought: "'offensive' is frequently but a synonym for 'unusual'; and a great work of art is of course always original, and thus by its very nature should come as a more or less shocking surprise." -nabakov

Odds, Ends

2008-07-15T22:38:00.003-05:00

Miss Sophie Belle had a vet appointment today and she is perfectly healthy. She celebrated by chomping on my cords while I wasn't looking. Naughty wonderful baby.

Lolita is magnificent. I'll post a huge big rant about how great the words are soon.

End of the World Cramps are even worse when they start on the 13th hour of your 16 hour workday. Seriously. Fuck. What the Hell?

The rest of the week should be good tho. =)

Answers in Unlikely Places

2008-07-13T23:40:00.002-05:00

I can't recall who I was talking with, but I'm pretty sure it was at Robin's party. In any case, we were trying to decide if redacted is a word and it definitely is. I didn't figure this out by doing anything lame, like looking in a dictionary, but rather by stumbling across the word on ReverseCowgirl. FYI it means to edit/retract, especially related to printing or publishing.

I don't have any answers to Robin and Betsy's EPIC loud hour plus long debate about the future of the word cunt. Next time I'll have a panel of judges award points?

I have a bun that looks like a big furry caterpillar or faceless cat or massive living dust bunny. I also love her, and am getting close to deciding on a good name. I still like Sophie. Maybe Belle. I got her and all of her stuff on Friday, and then I had to go to work right after I got her settled. half of me was SO EXCITED to get off and play with her and the other half was SO SCARED because I was sure she would be dead or crying. She was fine. We've already experimented with three types of bedding, made a bunny proof play area, and decided on some rules (like only eating in the cage, not on my bed). It's pretty exhilarating having a little thing around! She's pretty much a miracle.

I can't believe I'm going to grow up and have kids and be millions more afraid and excited. I hope future me is more able to handle that.

Other news, I'm the black sheep in my family? Officially, it seems. My Aunt Michelle, who was here two weeks ago, called my Aunt Wendy, who was here this weekend and told her that there were "some things she should know about Jessi." So my Aunt Wendy sat down with my Cousin Laura a couple days before their visit and let Laura know that "Jessi smokes, and has a tattoo now" among other things, so that she wouldn't be alarmed. Next time I hope she remembers to mention that I work 78 hour weeks, made the Dean's list, and am planning on getting still more piercings in the near future. I like the majority of my 'flaws' and I like them a lot.

I dislike living in a separate state from my boyfriend. This pattern of three wonderful days followed by a week to two weeks of counting dissatisfying days until the next three wonderful ones is frustrating. And while I can have a really good time without him, doing things with friends or my family or reading books, I still like it better when he is closer. (hey- i hope you read this and smile. thank you for making long drives for me too.)

I ought to sleep for work tomorrow.

pff. i posted two weeks ago.

2008-06-28T19:23:00.003-05:00

my life is too full. kinda like my stomach is too full.

i'm at my boyfriends. thats the best ever.

Look!

2008-06-14T17:19:00.002-05:00

I'm Here!

So my life is busy. And every day you don't write, it makes it waaaay easier not to. Then today I was like, hey, I could do this. Let's see if I was right.

This is what I've been doing:
-got home from school and stayed here a few days
-made a hundred bucks at vickies
-went to marquette michigan with betsy. we read, slept, huddled in sleeping bags (it was COLD), went into town, made hot asymmetrical earrings, saw the narnia movie, hiked, made fires, missed our boyfriends, canoed, and enjoyed a delightful sauna. we probably did even more than that but i don't remember it.
-went to minneapolis. went to a party and saw all my friends, saw my boyfriend, went camping, kicked ass at not getting arrested, went to the zoo, and saw sex & the city
-brought greg home with me. that was cool. my dad liked him! what! and so did my mom, and so does brian, and so does everybody. (that definitely includes me.) we went to the museum, and abu's, and bowling, and to jess's housewarming.
-started work! i made 470 dollars so far this week. i'm tired.

This is what I'm doing next:
-cleaning my room. if i clean my room and keep it clean for one month i can have a pet. sweet deal.
-going to berlin. sean and i got tickets. its gonna be the best ever.
-working EVEN MORE next week. its going to be the worst ever.
-and you know, other stuff. so much of it that i'm going to go do it.
-but I'm also going to be more on top of this. so, talk to ya soon? (can I talk to this?)

Finding Makeba

2008-05-13T22:38:00.002-05:00

Alexs Pate wrote Finding Makeba as a letter to the children he abandoned years before. The story in the novel, while fictional, stems from his real feelings as a father without children and as such is remarkably true to life. And not just his life, but mine, and possibly of every daughter who for one reason or another doesn't know her father. I think this is why when I told him I liked it, his answer was "Good. I wrote it for you."

from the book:

"It's really hard to say that I love you and that I love your mother and yet I'm afraid that I'm going to die. That if I don't find a way out of here I'm not going to make it. We need so much. We need black men to be fathers. We need black men to be artists. We need them to make a statement, a final, summary statement to the world that what we see and feel might hold the key to our existence. Might save everybody. I believe that. And yet I don't think I can do it all: be a husband, a father and me.

"So listen, sweetheart, this is what I want to know. Do you understand? Can you forgive me? I mean, if you knew that I was fighting for identity, a chance to concentrate on my gift, would you understand? Would you insist I be with you even if it meant I would never write again? If you were certain that no matter how much I loved you, if I stayed here i would be unhappy, would you still want me to stay?"

Amazingly, Alexs manages to excuse the absence of this fictional father. He has reasons for what he did and eventually he discovers how to communicate them. And most importantly, he comes back, which is something I think lonely kids will hope a lifetime for.

Finding Makeba is a fascinating and emotional story about family, identity, superstition and life plans. I recommend it to everyone interested in figuring out who they are or in beginning to understand other people.

Reading Feels So Good

2008-05-12T15:31:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I read the whole entire day. And since I have a house, have started packing, am fairly ready for finals, and nothing else needed to be done, I didn’t feel guilty at all.

The Nameless Day is book one of the Crucible Trilogy, by Sara Douglass. Apparently, this series is the author’s favorite of her works, but so far I’m not all that impressed. The protagonist, Thomas Neville, is a fairly historically accurate 14^th century priest but he does not inspire much sympathy from other characters or the reader. I especially disliked that while Thomas is extremely judgmental of every other character, each time his own virtue lapses he always finds ample excuse. Another major problem I had is that the action is slow, largely unexciting, and often predictable. Part of this is due to the fact that certain motifs in this book (the plow) have been recycled from her other novels. Despite all this, I did very much enjoy seeing good and evil arranged along opposing sides of actual historical issues during the French Revolution. The main character and struggling good guy priest finds evil amongst the leaders of the reformation and those who wish to overcome the long established social order, which I thought was an interesting twist. It was fun to see the origins of social contract theory and humanism alongside the typical magic and monsters.

Overall, if you want to read Sara Douglass/excellent fantasy you check out one of her other series. I highly recommend the Wayfarer Redemption novels, which are quite possibly even better than Lord of the Rings. I also enjoyed the Troy Game Quartet, which has some fun extras like reincarnating characters.

How early and exciting

2008-05-11T07:32:00.002-05:00

I had a picnic with Greta Bets and Evalyn (formerly Ploy- name changes are exciting and kindof a big deal)

Then Evie (Evalyn, formerly Ploy- see what I mean!) and I went to the mall, and we listened to mgmt, yeasayer, and gogol bordello in the car. Right this very second I was listening to depeche mode, the bravery, beruit, and stars. This is not a bad musicful paragraph for someone who does not usually know about music. Anyways, at the mall I got a super cute dress at urban and ridiculously kickass and kinda sexy longish shorts at guess. And my superior knowledge of Victorias Secret and I got Greta an Intimissimi Bra to pay her back for my new iPod!! Which I'm super excited to get my hands on.

After the mall Annie and I had dinner together and it was delicious and deep fried.

After dinner I had fantastic sex! which was interrupted when I had the not so fantastic realization that dinner must have had milk in it. So since my allergy and I are constantly trying to kick the shit out of each other I took a cab back home, got my medicine, went back out and fell asleep. I think it was Betsy who was making fun of me for insisting on staying out after I take my Benadryll, even though I always just fall asleep. Overall, I think the experience was entirely worth it because I had fantastic sex in the morning too. PS- dear star trek fetishists, get in touch, maybe we can work something out.

Annie and her mommy and I had a yummy lunch and I was not allergic to it!

And then I spent the night in the dorms breaking all kinds of rules and otherwise being quite naughty. Jessie Betsy I have a story!

Right, so now it is Sunday? morning and I'm waiting for it to be late enough to go back to my boyfriends house. I'm going to miss his bunny while I am home all summer. Yoshimi is cute and grey and I don't know what to do about not being able to watch her be cute and eat carrots and hop at all for months.

Today's goal: edrus fee imtihani arabia (study for my arabic test! which is cooler when you write it in squiggles)

Good luck on finals and make sure that if you are drinking, you are also having plenty of liquids.

I Can't Stop Reading This Poem

2008-05-09T10:59:00.001-05:00

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see
you.
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pur whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he's
in there.

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to screw up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it's nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do
you?

Odds and Ends

2008-05-09T01:50:00.006-05:00

Even more of my friends are on the internet! Oh boy. I like this game.

You can be addicted to...Books!

from cracked.com: The most prominent modern bibiliomaniac was Stephen Carrie Blumberg. From 1974 to 1990, this bookish chap raided the archives of about 185 North American universities. When the FBI finally raided his Ottumwa, Iowa home, the feds discovered 28,000 stolen books and manuscripts he had been compulsively hoarding.

I'm not quite there yet, but I am pretty amazed at how many books I've acquired this year. I think I only brought twenty at most to college, and I'm bringing home at least fifty more than that.

Check this out: http://www.livenudegirlsunite.com/story.html

We learned about Julia Query and how she unionized the strip club she worked at in my Gender & Sex class last semester. Something reminded me of it today and I still think its a kickass story.

Also, this is hilarious.

Ok, goodnight. Happy last day of school!

The Treaty of Versailles

2008-05-08T08:48:00.004-05:00

I think it's only correct to have Daniel's blog here, seeing as he is my favorite book (and I am still listening to Stars, thanks for the cd Gretabulous).

Ok, I'll be back later today with more.

In our bedroom after the war

2008-05-07T22:18:00.002-05:00

I listened to the stars album.

So all my friends are on the internet now! I can't provide links for everyone for complicated political reasons, but Joe is off to the left. He wrote something today about silly people, to which I would like to respond that I heard a group of similarly silly people talking about "...that guy who had a daughter and locked her in the basement, and had a bunch more kids with her and locked them in the basement. He didn't get caught for like 26 years because they lived somewhere really remote I guess. I think it was Idaho..." Back to the point though, I kinda lied, in order for all my friends to be on the internet we're going to have to recruit Jess, Bets, Robin, and maybe Aly? Which could potentially be really fantastic, we'll see how it goes.

I'm working on a story right now, and since winter, about doing the right thing.

And another about choosing to miss opportunities.

Potentially one for Jody, about her experience on the bridge.

And maybe one more, about something Joe said "everyone knows is there, and is more powerful and pure than most" but I need to think about that, and if I have words for it.

Sorry for all the teasers and no feature films, but it keeps me motivated and hopefully I'll have something really juicy soon. Summer seems full of potential:

i want to drink more this summer

you'll have to help me with that

i want to smoke more

we'll combine forces

with our powers combined

we can summon captain planet

the petty substance abuse equivalent at least

captain crunk?

yes!

How delightful. That conversation definitely matches Marcus's when-do-you-get-back-baby-girl text. (How delicious!)

AND We signed on that house. I have two more days of school. I've started packing. I get to see my boyfriend soon. I'm going to get a good nights sleep. I might even read a bit.

It's the end of my first year at college

2008-05-06T23:41:00.001-05:00

and I think I'm in a really good place.

Even though I have spent the bulk of the last two days, um more like all of the last two days, watching Greek on dvd, I still feel like I am totally in control of all my final projects and papers. I did well on my arabic test tonight, and have no concerns about finishing my german project and researching and writing a biogeo paper for friday. It feels great to be busy and to be certain I can handle it all.

I think we are signing on a house tomorrow! I still don’t want to say anything for real until its 100% sealed, but we have an appointment and so far everything seems ok. After a year of living with Annie, I’m going to miss sharing this crappy tiny one person room for two a lot over the summer, and I am pretty thrilled that we’re living together again next year. I am really lucky to have a roommate that good.

In two weeks, a little less, I’m going to be home. I am so excited to see Brian every day, especially considering he’s finally getting old enough where we can really hang out as much as we want and do whatever without it being tricky or strange. Also, of course Amandy, Jessie, Aly, Joe, Sean, etc will be there and I’m betting even Rachie and I will have one day where we are both in the same state! And finally, Scott will be home a couple days after me. I don’t really know how to put into words how happy that thought makes me.

Assuming everything goes well during finals, I’m pretty satisfied with everything that happened this year. I think there’s a couple things I could do better, but I know what some of those are and I also think I’ll be able to make those changes. I’m happy that I will be going home and having one more summer with all my friends together, and I’m happy that I have a house and a reason not to go home next summer because I think this time will be exactly enough. I know I could miss some of the people that are staying here, but I think I will look forward to when I see them next instead.

There’s a lot coming up to be excited about. I think that means I’m doing things ok.

The Antidote for Vague Dissatisfaction

2008-05-04T01:54:00.002-05:00

is one part concert.

two parts fantastic friends

a minute of using your finger to scoop up deviled eggs

the elixer of a car ride

and the self assurance that comes from deciding to write a story tonight to make myself feel better, instead of sleeping around. not to say that i won’t maybe indulge myself later in the week.

also today:

maybe maybe maybe found a house?

swahili open day means yummy food, kickass language and one of my favorite professors, muaka

yesterday was better:

i got mostly approved for a position on the hillel board as a student ambassador

we went to a highlighter party

i had a really scintillating evening

and made up with a friend!

tomorrow:

i suppose i’ll be finding out pretty soon now!

Tj Leyden: Turning Away from Hate

2008-05-02T07:50:00.006-05:00

Last night Hillel presented Turning Away from Hate: Confessions of an Ex-Neo Nazi, an event which I’d been helping to organize.

TJ Leyden, the speaker, was a major recruiter for the Hammerskins southern California unit, personally converting eighty-some kids to the White Power Movement. He would use divisional tactics like stuffing racist propaganda into black students lockers at nearby middle and high schools, and then when the black students struck out at the white students whom they thought had done it, TJ would use their behavior to convince white kids that they were all violent and needed to be shown their place. Once kids joined the group, TJ and the other members would pick on them mercilessly, until finally they agreed to “prove” their commitment with a hate crime, after which they were accepted as family.

Groups like these have been growing extremely fast in the recent decade, largely due to their expert use of the internet as a way to connect children who feel lonely and angry, giving them a place they feel they belong. They also know to push the idea of separatism, as opposed to racism, and are not opposed to working with Black or Hispanic hate groups for their common goal of dividing the country.

TJ first began doubting his beliefs in the Skinhead organization when his three year old son jumped off the couch one morning while they were watching Gully Gully and turned off the tv, saying “we don’t watch shows with niggers in this house!” At first TJ said he was impressed and proud of his son for being so conscious of race at such a young age, but then he thought about what that would mean for his future. TJ knew several second generation skinheads, and many of them had very distorted views about the world. Over the next 18 months, TJ began to understand the Skinheads did not really believe in White Power, they just believed in hate, and he decided to leave.

Since then, he has worked with the Wiesenthal Museum of Tolerance and given hundreds of speeches a year at schools all over America. He also assisted in editing the film American history X and recently published a book, Skinhead Confessions. In his personal life, he has successfully raised all five of his sons to be tolerant and respectful of all different people. While he can never undo the crimes he committed as a member of the Hammerskins, TJ has since been risking his life to make a significant and positive impact by helping gang members to get out, aiding law enforcement in cracking down on hateful organizations, and encouraging everyone he speaks to to become a mentor, so that there will be fewer lonely children for Skinhead groups and gangs to prey on.

If you would like to learn more about TJ Leyden and his story please visit his website http://www.strhatetalk.com/strhatetalk.html and check out his blog http://formerskinhead.blogspot.com/.

And if you are interested in decreasing the number of people involved in hate groups or in minimizing the number of hate crimes, make a conscious effort to make those around you feel valued and to object when you witness something that is racist or bigoted.

Yom Ha'Shoah, Holocaust Remembrance Day

2008-05-01T10:39:00.003-05:00

Margo De Wilde was born in Holland in 1921.

When she was 21 years old, the first laws restricting Jewish activities were passed in her neighborhood. Over the course of a few weeks she was forced to surrender her radio, lost the privilege to ride on city buses, and had to start wearing a Jewish star at all times. Margot joined the resistance movement soon after and began falsifying papers and helping other Jews in her neighborhood leave for America and other countries. It was also around this time that the first men were called by the Nazi’s to “go build.” These men built the concentration camps and were never heard from again.

Shortly thereafter Margot herself was forced to board a train to Germany, and from there was sent to Auschwitz. Her first memory after the boxcar doors opened was that of a very well dressed German man screaming for them to get out, fast. That man was Dr. Mengele. Once everyone had gotten off the train the women and men were separated from one another, and Margot was taken with 23 other young women to have their hair shaved, receive their single set of blue and white striped prison clothes, and have a number tattooed on their arms. Margot later managed to remove some of the ink by rubbing clay on it, but was caught and retattoed – 47574. For the next few weeks the women were woken up every morning by soldiers yelling at them, given a mug of something warm and brown to drink and a bowl of food, and then sent back to their barrack. There, the women waited as one by one they were instructed to go downstairs. Many times they returned in tears, but could not bring themselves to tell the other women waiting what had happened. Eventually Margot was called down, where she endured Mendele’s efforts to sterilize Jewish women. She says she survived because she never lost her determination to make it through and because she could understand German and escaped beatings for not following orders.

Finally the war began nearing the end, and Auschwitz was emptied. Margot says the prisoners marched for either three days and two nights, or three nights and two days, and that many fell or were shot. Finally they arrived at their destination and were shoved into boxcars like sardines to be taken to Ravensbruck, a female political prisoner camp. A few weeks after their arrival, the Germans suddenly disappeared, and a prisoner from another camp arrived holding an American flag and told them they were free.

Not long after that, Margot had managed to walk to the house of old family friends who lived in Germany and was having tea in their yard when a Canadian soldier approached. The soldier was her brother, who has enlisted after being liberated months earlier, and he told her that both of their parents were alive. Margot’s entire family had survived the war.

Eventually, they made their way back to their home in Holland, and Margot’s brother returned to his house in the hopes of finding a photograph of his wife and child, who he was certain must have been killed in the years since he had seen them. He knocked on his old front door, and she opened it.

The amazing thing about seeing a survivor, is that after everything they endured the story still has a happy ending, because they had the strength to arrive here today and tell us about it.

A Postcard

2008-04-29T00:43:00.003-05:00

Dear Imaginary Future Dream Soulmate,

I’m starting to really look forward to meeting you. Going to college has been weird for me- it suddenly seems like my relationships imply futures in a way they never did in high school. Last semester my boyfriend was telling me he could see us married down the line (I could not) and this semester I feel dissatisfied knowing ultimately, things with me and this boyfriend will not work out. It’s hard for me to enjoy what we have right now, which is excellent, while knowing the deadline, however distant. Anyways, the fact that you too are working your way towards me helps me to feel ok about these relationships being fun, special, instructive, and temporary. Thanks.

Love, Jessi

the things i'm supposed to do

2008-04-14T22:34:00.000-05:00

see i’m a little overstressed

overworked

underachieving

underparented

(in)dependent

and i’m having trouble understanding

how much you want me to study

how much you want me to work

how working to pay for school i dont have time to go to because of work

can work

i’m supposed to feel less responsible

but youre supposed to be our parents

and if you dont behave i wont

Two Days

2008-04-12T01:32:00.002-05:00

My boss submitted her letter of resignation (moving on to bigger and better things and I like her so this is great) and that means since the department doesn’t want to train a new her and a new me for next year I get my job again! Which is I guess not super exciting because its a boring job, but it’s super financially solid. And I also am getting to pick up an extra five or so hours a week until the endof the school year!

I wrote the coolest paper ever on the coolest book ever and made the coolest connection ever! And it was all in german. Fantastisch!

It snowed again. In April. So I decided not to let the godawful weather control my life and I went shopping. And I found one (1) American Apparel skirt for only ten bucks at a thrift store. And then at the used bookstore I found an Orson Scott Card book that is so out of print I barely knew it existed.I have never once seen this book in a store, the library, or even on Amazon. It cost me two dollars to obtain the most incredible item I’ve ever stumbled upon ever and I was so excited that I stopped caring about the fact that it was raining frozen slush in April.

I had a lovely night with my boyfriend.

A couple weeks ago when I was flat broke I agreed to work a couple hours at Hillel. So even though I recently came into like a million dollars (thanks for the early birthday Grandma), I went overthere after class to help Passover-ify the kitchen. Basically, removing all history of all leavened bread from the entire basement/food service/dining area. It was hard work, I was exhausted, and it felt great. Sometimes a few solid hours of physical labor is rewarding.

I saw Betsy! We had dinner at noodles and talked about past weeks and future weeks and boys and vacations and it was oh so delightful.

I saw the Spring Pride Showcase: lots of delectable drag and dress up. Plus free candy from the abstinence folks.

Last and perhaps the best of all Aly is here and we’re chit chatting this very second- so au revoir!

Etc.

2008-04-08T00:18:00.005-05:00

Further Extracurricular Learning Experience

Sean and I went to Shabbat Services on Friday. For those of you who don't know, Shabbat or the Jewish day of rest is observed from Friday to Saturday and is intended to remind us of the value of our family and history and to commemorate God for creating the Universe. Celebrating Shabbat is always a little strange for me because I'm not very religious and don't always understand everything going on, but it makes me feel GOOD and helps me to relax after a hard week. This week, however, I had an entirely positive experience at Learner's Shabbat with a whole bunch of other people who also felt a little uncertain or uncomfortable! I'm thankful that the Jewish community is so welcoming and encouraging, and chooses to embrace the awkwardness often associated with religious ritual by holding events like this. And I saw Joe which reminded me how much I like Joe.

How many no money boyz are crazy (thanks M.I.A.)

-I went to fake prom at the exbf's frat! It was fantastic, I got to get dressed up, we went out to dinner, and there was drinks and dancing. Unfortunately for both of us, we had conflicting hopes for the afterparty.

-I also was reminded that I should probably never do anything I don't feel comfortable being honest about, and I should probably never lie. So I will do my best on that front from here on.

-And (this is the best part!) I think my boyfriend and I are staying together for the summer which is only like the most amazing thing ever because I like him lots! (I sincerely doubt he reads this, but I guess if he does he caught me. uh oh.)

Personal Goals

Spring happened. And with it came all these aspirations to return to normal weight, rollerblade daily, do sit-ups and push-ups, get a fake tan, and stop biting my nails. Some of that is going well.

And since I had a list going I added minimizing cigarette intake, doing homework, reviewing arabic, and keeping my room straight.

Wish me luck!

A Reminder

2008-04-08T00:01:00.003-05:00

An emotionally abusive boyfriend or partner...

Doesn’t want you to tell people about the problems between the two of you.

Makes you feel guilty when you don’t want to have sex.

Pressures you into having sex when you don’t want to.

Physically forces you into submission when he wants sex after you have sad no.

Doesn’t accept or respect your decisions.

When chatting, sends you a lot of nudges when you aren’t answering fast enough.

Implies that you lie or directly calls you a liar.

Doesn’t trust you.

Checks up on you.

Comes to your home, school or workplace to look for you when you have asked him not to.

Keeps sending you text messages or calling if you don’t answer.

Hangs up the phone when he is talking to you.

Tells you to hang up the phone when you are talking to friends.

Gives you the silent treatment.

Expects you to follow him and ask him what's wrong when he walks off.

Apologizes but then does the same thing.

Blames you for things.

Makes you feel guilty for not spending more time with him.

Tells you what you “should” do.

Tells you to do things rather than asking you to do them.

Tells you to do things rather than telling you how he feels.

Says he can’t live without you or he will kill himself if you leave him.

Makes you feel responsible for his feelings

Makes you afraid of telling him the truth, so you find yourself not telling him things or lieing to him in order to avoid fights and conflicts.

Says things like "I can't believe you are doing this to me." and "You promised me."

While all of these indicators are emotional, remember that emotional abuse is often the first type used. This nearly always escalates and becomes a physical form of abuse. It always involves control - one partner controlling the actions of the other. If this kind of behavior is present, you have a potentially abusive situation will only get worse as the relationship progresses.

Grabbing your arm or blocking the door when you are trying to leave is one of the first signs the emotional abuse may later turn into physical violence.